


The Dean Winchester School of Women......or what happens when the Student becomes the Teacher

by Southern_Fried_Penguin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas thinks Dean is hot too, Castiel definitely loves him, Confused!Cas, Dean had a temper tantrum, Dean has an epiphany, Dean knows he's hot, Dean knows that he fucked up, Dean really is an idiot, Dean teaches Cas what women want, Dean tries to have a one night stand, Dean's subconscience is a snarky bitch, Don't mind the two hot men eye fucking each other in the corner, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gabriel is a chicken nugget, I swear these two are going to kill me, Inner Dialogue, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Or Is he?, Patient!Dean, Speeding, The elephant in the room, Welcome aboard, a few musical references, awkward moments, big brother/little brother antics, but it'll be ok, but we love him anyway, but will he ever tell him?, drunk!Cas, drunk!Dean, emotional!cas, enjoy your stay, epic bitch faces, facepalms galore, funny moments, hopefully, i'm going down with this ship, sexual identity crisis, shower thoughts, soul searching, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:33:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Southern_Fried_Penguin/pseuds/Southern_Fried_Penguin
Summary: Sam and Dean gets some unexpected down time, but Sammy decides to spend it in another state, leaving Dean totally bored and fending for himself for entertainment. And what better way to entertain yourself than to teach your best friend how to pick up women?? It was his specialty, after all! But what happens when Cas decides to turn the tables and show Dean just how well he learned everything he was taught?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hvnlyangel80](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hvnlyangel80/gifts), [ChaoticSatisfaction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticSatisfaction/gifts), [SidingWithTheAngels (siding_with_the_angels)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/siding_with_the_angels/gifts).



> Ok guys, welcome to my 2nd attempt to write a Supernatural fic! This storyline had been bounced around between myself, hvnlyangel80, ChaoticSatisfaction, and SidingWithTheAngels (siding_with_the_angels). We have so many notes that will eventually make its way into this (hopefully) epic story, so please bear with us. We will try to update as much as possible, but we are at the mercy of real life from time to time. Additional tags will be added as the story goes along, since we're not sure where these characters will take us as we go along.

The bunker was quiet. Too quiet. And it was driving Dean crazy.

They were having some unexpected down time. A few days ago, him and his brother has cleared out a vampire nest a few towns over, and even though it was supposed to be a “milk run” for them it had taken longer than they had expected. When they had returned home, Bobby had called to check on them, as he often does. Dean had given him the rundown, then Bobby made them promise to take a few days to themselves. Dean strongly protested, but eventually gave in. The more he had considered it, the more he realized a chance to get more than 4 hours of sleep a night was too good to pass up. Bobby ended the conversation with a promise to send the next few cases to hunters in the surrounding areas, and would only contact them if it was absolutely necessary. 

Sam was ecstatic with the news. He had heard about a place in New Mexico a while back that dealt with very rare antique books, and he had been itching to check it out. Dean looked flabbergasted when Sam told him what he had planned.

“Seriously Sam? We have a chance to kick back and relax for a few days, and your first thought is to drive a few states over to look at BOOKS??”

“C’mon Dean! Gimme a break! You never know what I might find. Maybe something to add to our collection of lore? It could be a gold mine for all we know!”

Dean had spread his arms wide to gesture at the walls in the bunker library that were already covered floor to ceiling with ancient tomes. “Does it LOOK like we need more books? I’m pretty sure between the bunker library and Bobby, we already have every book, pamphlet, memo, diary, or scribble on a bathroom wall that has to do with anything remotely Supernatural!” Sam stared at him for a second, preparing to give him one of his epic bitch faces, but suddenly changed his tactics. He opened his eyes slightly wider, making them develop the perfect puppy dog face. He gently stuck out his bottom lip and raised his voice an octave.

“Pweeeese Dean?” he teased, bringing out his inner child. “I don’t wanna go if my big bwudder doesn’t say it's ok……”

Dean fought his smile as hard as he could. The little jerk. Badass hunter he may be, but he always softens up when it comes to his little brother, and the little bitch knew it. “Sam…….” he warned, having to damn near bite the insides of his cheeks to keep from smiling. As long as he didn’t do the THING, he’d be alright. Of course, he wasn’t so lucky.

Sam started to lightly shuffle his feet side to side, bringing him closer to Dean one step at a time. “I’ll wuv you forever big bwudder!” he continued. “With whipped cream and chewwys on top?” Dean backed up a few steps, knowing where this was going.

“Sam, don’t you dare!” he scowled, still fighting his laughter. Before he knew it, Sam was in his personal space, leaning his head against his Dean’s shoulders and sticking that bottom lip out just a little bit more. Dean couldn’t hold it in any longer. He turned his head away from Sam and let his smile completely take over his face, hoping his brother wouldn’t notice. It turns out that it didn’t matter, because Sam just grabbed his face, turned it towards him and proceeded to completely smother him in ‘butterfly kisses’. 

Dean busted out laughing and pushed his brother off him. “Alright you nerd. Go enjoy your mini vacation with your books. Just call me when you get there.” Sam laughed along with him, then sudden grabbed Dean in a giant moose hug, pinning his arms to his sides while Sam picked him up and spun him around. “Thanks Deanie!” he laughed.

“Ay! Put me down you bitch!” Dean yelled, but with absolutely no malice behind it. Sam immediately dropped him unceremoniously on the floor. “Whatever you say, Jerk.” he laughed. He did feel bad after hearing the grunt coming from his brother after he hit the floor, so he offered his hand to help him up. After getting to his feet, he reached up and ruffled Sam’s hair violently. “Just for that, you’re not taking the Impala!” he grumped.

Sam shrugged. “I was thinking of taking one of the motorcycles anyway. I figured it would be a nice change of pace, instead of being cramped up in a car again.” Dean’s eyes narrowed. Any negative comments towards his Baby were fighting words.

“It wouldn’t feel so cramped if you weren’t such a Samsquatch!” he muttered. Sam overheard him anyway and just laughed again. “Alright I’m going to go pack. I should only be gone a few days. You’ll be ok?”

Dean waved off his concern. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Hell, it’ll be great! I can use all the hot water in the shower, eat what I want without you lecturing me, and best of all, I can catch up on all my Asian beauties!” he said, wagging his eyebrows.

“Ew, dude. I didn’t need to know that!” 

Dean just kept going like Sam hadn’t even spoken. “Of course, your room seems to have the better WiFi connection for some reason. You don’t mind me getting comfy in there, do you?” he asked, winning himself the most epic bitchface in Moose history. “I’M LOCKING MY DOOR WHEN I LEAVE DEAN!!!” he shouted as he stomped towards his room. And Dean did the only acceptable thing a big brother could do…..he laughed until his sides hurt. 

That had been 2 days ago. Since then, Dean had done everything said he was going to do, and even managed to sleep for a straight 14 hours. Now he was just bored. He has surfed Netflix for a while but couldn’t really get into anything. He made himself a huge sub sandwich for lunch that day and washed it down with a few beers. Then he had a glass of the good stuff that they kept in the library. He walked through the bunker’s many rooms and hallways, looking for inspiration to hit. He didn’t feel like going to the indoor shooting range because he had already field stripped and cleaned their entire arsenal and didn’t feel like doing it again. There was no point in washing his Baby, since he already did that yesterday. He had been longing for some off time and now that he had it, it was driving him crazy. He deserved to have some fun dammit! As soon as the word ‘fun’ crossed his mind, so did a name.

Castiel.

He thought back to the time he had taken Castiel to a ‘den of inequity’ as he called it. He had thought the world was going to end and since Sam wasn’t around at the time, he had chosen to spend it with Cas. He had started to view him as a friend by then, and friends don’t let friends die as virgins.They just didn’t! Although it hadn’t worked quite as he had planned, the results still had him laughing harder than he had in ages. Maybe he could try that again. Hell, Cas deserved some reward for putting up with their bullshit all this time. It was the least he could do. And if Dean happened to snag a little hottie for himself, so be it.

With a course of action now set, he began to go through his mental checklist. He showered, making sure to spend extra attention on areas that he hoped would receive, well, extra attention. He used a soft towel to wipe the steam from the bathroom mirror before wrapping it around his waist. He brushed his teeth then gargled for longer than was strictly necessary. He tried to comb his still damp hair, but decided that leaving it slightly tousled had worked for him enough in the past. He decided against shaving though. The types of women he prefered seemed to like a little beard burn, and who was he to deny them? He did clean up the edges though, leaving just enough of a shadow to make it look like he wasn’t even trying. A little deodorant, and he was ready for his next phase.

He left the bathroom in a great cloud of steam. The cooler air hit him harder than he expected and he shivered. He walked quickly to his own room down the hall, stopping only once to see if Sam had truly locked his door. It wouldn’t have been the first time he had done something to his brother’s pillow without his knowing about it. At least he was clean this time. But it was locked, as promised. “Smart move man…” Dean chuckled.

He walked into his room and went straight to his closet. He pulled out a figure hugging t-shirt in a deep forest green. He might be a guy but he knew how to show off his best assets. This particular shirt was dubbed his ‘lucky’ shirt because he knew the way it hugged his biceps and abs to perfection. Reaching into his dresser he grabbed a pair of soft blue jeans that were a deep indigo color. He carefully slipped them on, feeling them hug him tight in all the right places. He left them unbuttoned as he walked to the other side of the room to grab his best pair of black leather boots. As he passed the mirror perched on his dresser he couldn’t help but stop and look at his reflection: shirtless, pants undone, and a panty dropping smile. “They don’t stand a chance!” He sat on his bed, pulling on clean socks then lacing up his boots. Reaching to the other side of the bed he grabbed the shirt and pulled it on carefully, making sure it didn’t bunch up awkwardly but stayed snug where he wanted it to. He returned his necklace and his mother’s ring to their rightful places, then reached into his closet for his ultimate weapon. Feeling the smooth leather in his hand he couldn’t help but smile. He pulled out a black leather jacket that he kept well maintained. Hell, that jacket gets more attention than any of the cheap suits he uses for cases. Then again, those suits usually land him elbow deep in something horrible. The jacket however? That jacket has earned him so many good memories that his spank bank is probably stocked for life. He slips it on, feeling the cool lining surround him. A quick spritz of cologne and a last look in the mirror, and he knows that he’s ready to break some hearts (and if he’s lucky a few beds too).

He walked back to library, intent on pouring himself a glass of whiskey. He grabbed a glass tumbler and quickly poured about 3 fingers full. He sits down in a chair and props his feet on the table, ready to call his best friend and inform him of their plans for the night.

“Heya Cas, who art…..somewhere. If you ain’t busy buddy, how about you pop in?” Dean pauses for a moment waiting for Castiel to appear, but he doesn’t. He tries again. “Breaker Breaker 1-9. Can you hear me Cas? I’ve got a surprise for you so put on that trench coat of yours and get your feathery butt down here!” He waits again with no response, so he grabs the bottle of whiskey and taps on the lid like it’s a microphone. “Hello? Is this thing on?” Another pause, and Dean starts getting impatient. “No answer huh? Maybe you should set up a voicemail or something.” Dean dropped his voice in a poor impersonation of Castiel’s deep voice. “This is Castiel, leave a message at the sound of the heavenly trumpets….” A soft whoosh behind him interrupts his muttering.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean spins around and gives him a goofy grin and seeing how he’s in such a good mood, he decides to sing. “Is it me you’re looking for…….?” Cas just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“You called me, Dean, so I assumed it was the other way around.”

Dean shook his head. “Seriously Cas? You’ve never heard that song by Lionel Ritchie? Hello?” Cas just stared. “Ok forget it. A conversation for another time. You weren’t busy smiting someone, were you?” It took you long enough to get here.”

“I wasn’t occupied with anything of import at the time. What do you need Dean?” 

Dean walked up to Castiel and threw an arm around his shoulder. “Guess what buddy? You and I have plans tonight!” Of all the reactions Dean was expecting, the least of all was Cas immediately sliding his Angel Blade into his hands and looking around.

“What are we hunting?” he demanded. He looked so serious that Dean couldn’t help but mess with him.

“Chicks, man! We’re hunting for chicks tonight!”

“I don’t understand. Why did you need my help looking for baby chickens?”

That did it! Dean had to set the glass down before he dropped it and shattered it everywhere. He laughed until his sides ached and he was sure that Cas was ready to smite him himself if he didn’t get his laughter under control. 

“Girls! You and I are going out, tossing back a few drinks, and are going to grab us a few beautiful women to have some fun with! Whaddya say?” Once Cas caught into his meaning (with the help of a wink from Dean) he just sighed.

“I feel that I am inadequate to help you procure company for the night. The last time turned out, unfortunate.” 

“Yeah I guess that was kinda my fault there buddy. I didn’t exactly prepare you before sending you in with the wolves.Tell you what. If I promise to help you out, ya know, teach you a few things about women, will that help?”

“I guess it would be better to be prepared than to “fly blind” as you say.”

Dean blinked. “Cas? Did you just make a joke??”

“It depends. Did I succeed?” Dean just grinned and nodded. “Then yes, I made a joke.”

Dean shot both fists in the air in victory. “Ladies and Gentleman, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!” He caught Cas smiling. “Alright then. Well now that I know you’re willing to learn, are you ready to attend the Dean Winchester School of Women?”

“You have a school in your name?” 

“Always one step ahead, two steps back.” Dean shook his head but was still smiling. “It doesn’t matter. By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to be a lean, mean, chick-magnet machine! So polish up your halo and put on your best wings…..we’ve got work to do!”

“I’ve only got one set of wings Dean. And I have no plans to show them to anyone. That’s too personal for me.” Dean stopped for a second. “But you’ve let me see them Cas. What’s the difference?” He thought he noticed a blush creeping up Cas’s neck and face but he thought better to ask about it. A man (or angel) has the right to keep some things for himself, right? 

Dean brought Cas around the table and planted him in the chair he had been sitting in moments ago. “Ok Cas. Time for lesson number one!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to start with the basics. Cas tries to be a good student. Neither want to address the elephant in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we are so happy with the initial responses so far. Over 100 hits in less than 24 hours! You guys are awesome! Please share our link in any/all SPN pages that you may be a part of.....we're really hoping to see this take off and we can't do it without your support! 
> 
> Another note, I return back to work tomorrow after a 2 month hiatus, so the updates will probably start to average about once a week, maybe twice if we all can all manage the time. Plus we also have other WIP's in progress so we definitely have our hands full. But we absolutely promise not to leave you guys hanging. You guys are our family, just like we all consider these boys part of our family. And family means that nobody gets left behind.....or forgotten. 
> 
> X's and O's from us all!

Cas sat there and just watched Dean. He wasn’t sure what he was getting himself into, but Dean seemed to need him so he would try his best to do whatever Dean asked of him. He thought back to a few moments ago when Dean had made a passing remark about revealing his wings. It had caught him off guard so he couldn’t help the flush of heat that he had felt creep over him. How was he supposed to explain to him that the display of an angel’s wings was an extremely intimate gesture, reserved only for those you have a close bond with? Even though Dean had been the only one who has had that privilege, he hadn’t a clue of the significance and Cas didn’t have the slightest idea how to educate him about it without it turning into a very awkward situation. He simply kept his mouth shut and waited for the right time. But it never came. He couldn’t help but wonder what Dean’s reaction would be if he did know……

“Cas? You with me?”

Cas blinked, apparently not hearing the question that was just asked of him. “I’m sorry Dean. What was that?”

Dean just smirked, completely misreading the direction of Cas’s thoughts. “Already imagining the fun we’re going to have tonight? That’s the spirit!” He motioned his glass of whiskey towards Cas, silently asking him if he would like some. His immediate reaction was to refuse, but thought better of it. If Dean thought he needed it, he probably did. He nodded in agreement and quickly had a matching tumbler pressed into his hand. Cas took a quick sip and grimaced as the fire slid down his throat. Dean just laughed at the face he made. 

“Good, ain’t it?” Cas just silently nodded, even if he didn’t agree. Dean took that as his que to continue. “Ok, first things first. The key to getting anywhere with a woman is confidence. Chicks dig that stuff man. If the first words out of your mouth come across as shy or awkward, you won’t have a snowball’s chance.”

“I believe I know how to hold a conversation Dean.” 

Dean scoffs. “Talking with us is one thing, because we’re always on the same page about some monster or whatever. But you can’t talk like that with the ladies! You have to be smooth dude. And going by some of the things that I’ve heard come out of your mouth, you’re about as smooth as day old oatmeal.”

“Why can’t I just talk about reasonable things, like the weather?”

“This isn’t just any conversation! You’re trying to hold her attention long enough so that you can work your angelic charms on her.”

“My charms?”

“Yeah Cas. We all have our specialties. Sammy has his smarts, even if that makes him a colossal dork. Some chicks dig the nerd love! And you, you’ve got your powers.”

“What’s your specialty Dean?”

Dean gives him a smug look. “Well I am the man with the Golden Tongue. Which means that I’ve talked our way out of some pretty fucked up situations, but also talked myself into some way better ones.”

“And just what is the ideal situation for having a Golden Tongue?”

Dean’s smiled. “Just ask the ladies. But that’s a lesson for down the road, and only if you’re ready.”

“But you will teach me?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Ok, baby steps man. Stand up.” Cas did as he was told, then watched Dean walk backwards towards the other side of the room. “Now, pretend I’m the girl you’ve got your eye on. How do you approach me?” Cas tilted his head in confusion so he Dean clarified, “Walk towards me. Show me that confidence, man!”

Castiel walked towards Dean in almost a robotic fashion, his steps stilted and precise. As he crossed the room he kept his gaze entirely on the floor. Once he reached where Dean was standing, he stopped and looked up again. “Was that sufficient?”

“Dude, you’re walking like you’re heading to the gallows! Stand straight and make eye contact with her the entire way. Grab her attention and don’t allow her to move it elsewhere. Let her know that you’re focused on HER, and that no one else in the room deserves your attention. Do it right and you’ll have her eating out of your hand before you even open your mouth.” 

“What you’re suggesting doesn’t sound possible.”

“Want me to prove it?” Dean asked with a smirk. He quickly swallowed the remaining whiskey in his glass and set his glass in the table beside them before walking back to the opposite side of the room. “Watch and learn Cas. You may want to take notes.”

Castiel snorted in amusement at Dean’s verbosity. He had walked both behind and alongside Dean countless times, and never noticed anything remarkable about it. His gait was steady and sure, but nonetheless just a means from getting from point A to point B. It couldn’t possibly be any different now that he was paying close attention. Once Dean had reached the other side of the room, he turned back towards Cas and paused for a moment as if to collect his bearings. As soon as he took that first step back towards Cas, he realized just how wrong he had been.

Dean didn’t just walk; he sauntered. He moved with a grace and tenacity that not only showcased his strength but made it known that he was comfortable with his body and had absolutely no qualms about using it to get your attention. Cas found himself almost unable to look away when he noticed the almost obscene way Dean managed to sway his hips as he walked. He felt his mouth go dry and he unconsciously licked his dry lips. Unsure if his response was the one Dean was aiming for, he slowly allowed his gaze to travel upwards until it settled on his face, looking for confirmation. He got more than he bargained for.

Even though he was still halfway across the room, there was absolutely no way to miss the way those jade-colored eyes seemed to blaze into him, daring him to move. His gaze was almost predatory in nature, and Castiel felt like prey being stalked by a very dangerous creature. But instead of wanting to run away he felt compelled to move forward, even though he couldn’t get his feet to move. He waited with baited breath, almost wishing that Dean would hurry up and reach him and…….what? He didn’t know what he wanted, he just knew that he wanted it. After what seemed like an eternity (realistically only a few seconds) Dean finally stood before him, literally inches away, and he hadn’t the slightest clue what to do.

Dean, however, had instantly noticed Castiel’s reaction to his little show. He smirked internally, although not letting it show and ruin his demonstration. ‘See what I mean Cas? This is how it’s done.…’ he thought to himself. He continued to advance, taking his time to make sure that Castiel got the full effect. He kept his eyes firmly locked onto Castiel’s, daring him to even blink then feeling smug because he never did. But just as he was about to reach him, he decided to up the ante a little bit. As soon as he reached Cas he stood there with his feet firmly planted, then counted to 3 silently before slightly leaning towards his ear. Dropping his voice enough for it to be felt instead of just heard, he said “Hey there baby. I couldn’t help but notice your gorgeous blue eyes from across the room. Honey, they are as blue as a sunlit ocean and I feel like I’m lost at sea, completely drowning in their depths. But I never thought that going under could feel so good. What do you say I buy you a drink and see if you can rescue me? If not, how about we drown together?” 

Cas felt helpless as a shiver completely rendered him speechless. His mouth moved but absolutely nothing came out except a high pitched squeak. Dean, not completely realizing what he had just done to his best friend, simply took a step back and acted like that entire scene didn’t even happen. “See Cas? Nothing to it!” he said with a grin. “You just have to be comfortable with your body and let that confidence take over. You have to own the room!” Cas’s only answer was to grab his glass and gulp down his remaining whiskey as quickly as possible. He still felt like he needed more so he handed his now empty glass to Dean with pleading eyes. “Alright, alright.” 

As Dean turned to refill the glass, Cas took advantage of Dean’s momentary focus on something else. He wiped the sweat of his face and took a couple of deep (silent) breaths to get his heartbeat under control again. ‘Where did that come from, and how did he DO that?’ Cas remained in shock long enough for Dean to notice when he turned back around. “Dude, you ok?” he laughed.

“I’m fine Dean. Just….impressed. I had never seen you act….like that.”

“Well I don’t get much chance to bring the big gun out to play, if you know what I mean. You know what they say, all work and no play makes Dean a horny little boy.” He added a wagging eyebrow for emphasis in hopes that Cas would catch his meaning, but unfortunately it went over his feathery little head. Maybe he was still going a little too fast for his friend to keep up. He really had to get him to loosen up. “Cas I wanna try something. Come here.” 

Cas walked to where Dean was standing near the small liquor cart that was stashed in a corner. Before he realized that was happening Dean reached out and grabbed the lapels of his trenchcoat and pulled it off his shoulders then down his arms before yanking it off completely and throwing it haphazardly on a nearby chair. “That’s better.” Dean took a step back before letting his gaze roam all over Cas’s figure, taking in the full picture. He made a show of putting his hand to his mouth and humming as if he was in deep thought. When he looked back at Cas’s face, the expression there was pure unadulterated shock. And for whatever reason, that pleased him. He’s used to seeing woman looking at him with lust in their eyes and that always stroked his ego more than he cared to admit. But seeing Cas like that was just…..different. Instead of following this line of thought, however, he shook off his amusement and continued what he was doing. 

Cas, for the most part, just stood there as his best friend continued to undress him, one piece at a time. After having his trenchcoat literally ripped from his body, Dean proceeded to then remove his suit jacket, followed by undoing the knot in his pitiful blue tie and sliding it from around his neck. The sound of his tie being ripped off of him had a feeling settling low in his stomach, a warmth that started spread. With Dean being so close to him, he couldn’t help but breathe in a mixture of his cologne, body wash, and something else that was just…...Dean. He wanted to linger in it a little longer, just long enough to figure out all the nuances of what makes it uniquely his. But before he could even put another coherent thought together, Dean had stepped back and began to (Dear God) unbutton the first few buttons on his shirt. Dean gave him a quick glance and a small smile, he assumed in reassurance. But there was still something else behind that smile, just lingering…..

Dean saw the way Cas seemed shellshocked by what he was doing and he had thrown that smile to get him to relax. It’s not like he hadn’t done this a million times before, right? He had practically raised Sammy so there had been numerous occasions where he had to help his little brother get dressed. And there were the few times right after Sam had turned 21 when he had come home completely plastered and helped him undress before throwing the lumbering dead weight into a bed to sleep it off. It was just in his nature to take care of those he called family. And whether Cas knew it or not, he was most definitely inside that exclusive circle. 

The only difference between then and now is that with his brother, he went through the motions on autopilot. He didn’t notice things about Sammy that he was unconsciously noticing about Cas. Now that those extra layers were gone he could see just how broad his shoulders were, how the skin on his neck was tan and looked deceptively soft. While removing the tie (that thing seriously had to go!) he even chuckled at a small cluster of freckles that were just behind his right ear. He had known plenty of women who loved to be teased there, For a split second he wondered…….

Suddenly Dean stepped back as he mentally threw bucket of cold water on himself. What the hell was that all about? Did he seriously just have thoughts about kissing Cas, on his neck of all places?? Nah, he argued internally. It had just been a while since he had any real action and it was just biological response to being that close to someone, even if it was his best friend. He can still appreciate attractiveness when he saw it though, and he’d have to be blind not to notice that Cas was a very good looking man. Hell, he’d even venture to say that he was beautiful. His dark hair that never seemed to stay tamed gave him a permanent ‘just fucked’ look. His lips were pink and full, even though they looked like they were slightly chapped, he would bet his last beer that they were warm and soft. But it was those eyes. Dean had caught himself staring at Cas on more than one occasion, unable to break whatever hold those eyes seemed to have on him. While he was being honest with himself, he can go ahead and admit that the cheesy pickup line he threw at Cas moments ago was something that he’d always wanted to say. He’s not sure why. He just wanted to, and now he had (although it wasn’t remotely in the same situation he had always imagined, but that was a freak out for another day). 

Using the space he had put between them, he reached and grabbed one of Cas’s hands and began to loosen the button around the cuff of his sleeve. Once that was managed he began to roll it up carefully to just above the elbow. But in the process be began to notice things once again. His forearm was completely solid, with just the lightest dusting of hair across the top that seemed so fine that it looked more like a light shadow than anything. His skin was warm and just as tan as the rest of what he’d seen so far. Having finished one side, he reached towards the other and repeated the process. Then he took a step back and admired his work. He had to admit…..Cas looked…..wow. He hadn’t even realized that he was still staring when a voice interrupted him.

“Dean?”

He looked at Cas, feeling a little sheepish for getting caught ogling his best friend. However Cas didn’t seem uncomfortable about it. In fact, he was giving a stare back of his own that made Dean feel flushed enough to remove his own jacket. He cleared his throat, hoping to sound nonchalant. “How’s that feel? More comfortable?” he asked.

“I suppose.”

“Good. Now for the fun part.”

“Which is?”

“Getting you comfortable in your own skin. Learning which ways your body can move.”

“I feel that I’m adequately flexible.”

The sudden imagery that flashed through Dean’s mind literally sucked all the breath from his lungs. He quickly shoved them down deep enough to completely bury them and hope that Cas hadn’t noticed. He went to speak, but ended up croaking instead. “Ok, but can you dance?”

“Dance? I’ve never had reason or occasion to try.”

This time Dean’s smile came easily. “Then that’s our next lesson. I have a playlist on my phone but it’s still in my room. I’ll be right back.”

Dean couldn’t help but feeling as he walked out the room that he was running away from something. And perhaps he was, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. He was on a mission. But as he reached his bedside table and picked up his phone, images of Cas came floating back to him and he let out a small sigh.

“What have I gotten myself into?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lesson #2 doesn't go quite as planned. Castiel gets the gist of the idea, but Dean ends up accidentally getting a little too wrapped up in his student.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy reading this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Songs Referenced: Pour Some Sugar On Me by Deaf Leppard  
>  How Do You Talk To An Angel by The Heights

After grabbing his phone and a small bluetooth speaker, Dean started searching through his playlist while walking back towards the library, looking for a few songs that were appropriate for what he had in mind. He figured that 3 songs should be enough to teach Cas the basics. He just had to figure out which ones would get the job done without making things any more awkward than they were already seeming to be. 

He tried to think back to all the times he had been bar hopping in the past. Different areas of the country had contributed to Dean stepping into almost every type of dive imaginable. He’d been in everything from Southern Honky-Tonks to High-End clubs that had an entry line that stretched on for blocks, so his musical exposure was pretty diverse. In the end he figured it was better to stick with well-worn territory: Classic Rock. He scrolled slowly as he walked, looking at each title and trying to match them with situations that he thought Cas may find himself in. By the time he had finally reached the library, he had decided to just hit ‘shuffle’ and hope for the best.

Meanwhile, Cas hadn’t moved from the spot that Dean had left him in. He still hadn’t figured out what the hell just happened. What had started innocently enough had become something completely different and he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Of course Dean would know what to do, but it’s not like he could walk up to him and say ‘Hey, you’re really turning me on, what should I do about it?’ Castiel might be socially awkward, but even HE knew that was a bad idea. Perhaps he’ll just have to handle this the Winchester Way: muddle through on a wing and a prayer (no pun intended) and hope for the best.

He decided against pouring himself another drink. It would only loosen his inhibitions and he knew he would need to stay clear-minded enough to make sure he didn’t do anything to embarrass himself. He had come very close to grabbing Dean when he was lasciviously whispering in his ear, using a tone of voice that had done things to his insides. Cas had managed to keep his hands to himself, but barely. Just when Cas was about reach out and touch him, Dean had stepped back and broken whatever spell he had weaved over the room. He continued to go on with the ‘lesson’, not having the slightest clue that his best friend was starting to slowly lose his mind. And to think that Dean thought CAS was oblivious……

Before Cas knew it, he heard footsteps approaching. He steeled himself to try his best to resist the charm that Dean seemed insistent on throwing his way. But even an Angel of the Lord had his limits…….

Dean rounded the corner and threw Cas a genuine smile. “Ok Cas, are you ready for some musical awesomeness? Provided by yours truly?”

“I suppose so.”

“Alright!” He set the small speaker on the table and waited for the beep to signal that it successfully connected. He then hit the ‘shuffle’ button. Within seconds, music filled the library. 

Step inside  
Walk this way  
You and me babe  
Hey Hey!

He instantly recognized Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me and couldn’t help the grin that split his features. “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” He motioned for Cas to come and stand beside him, almost laughing at the slight panic on his friend’s face. “This one is easy Cas. Good rhythm and almost always guaranteed to bring out the inner stripper in any woman who hears it. C’mon, let’s see what you got!” 

Cas just stood there.

With a laugh he walked over and grabbed Cas by the hand and led him into the most open part of the room, giving them plenty of space to move around in. He then moved next to him until they were standing side by side. “Just follow my lead for a bit, but feel free to do anything that feels comfortable for you. Got it?”

Cas nodded.

Dean started out simple, just a shuffling of his feet back and forth in time with the beat. After a few seconds he saw Cas mimic his movements, although still a little stiff. “That’s good!” he encouraged. Cas gave a small smile at his praise. 

Love is like a bomb, baby, c’mon get it on  
Livin’ like a lover with a radar phone  
Lookin’ like a tramp, like a video vamp  
Demolition woman, can I be your man?

Dean started to sing along, really getting into the music. Now that he got Cas moving a little, he started to branch out his movements and hoped that he would follow. He swayed his hips more, gyrating them in small circles. Cas’s eyes grew slightly wider watching him but didn’t make any effort to copy him. “C’mon Cas, you can do it!” He turned to face him and watched Cas do the same. As he took a step closer Cas faltered slightly, almost tripping over his own feet. With a laugh Dean reached out to steady him. “Easy there buddy. You alright?” Cas nodded. “Let’s try this again.” They began their synchronized shuffle once again, going in opposite directions now that they were facing each other. Dean began to roll his hips again, feeling the music wash over him.

Razzle ‘n’ a dazzle ‘n’ a flash a little light  
Television lover, baby, go all night  
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet  
Little miss innocent sugar me, yeah!

Cas had a look on his face that was a mixture of curiosity and embarrassment. Maybe Dean had a solution. “Would it help if I didn’t watch you face to face?” The small flush that creeped over Cas’s face was all the answer he needed. “Alright.” He quickly moved behind Cas. “Better?” Cas gave a small nod. “Ok. I need you to close your eyes then. Feel the beat of the music and move however you body wants to. There’s no right or wrong here. For now, we’re just having fun, ok?” He reached out and put both his hands on Cas’s shoulders, letting him know that he was still with him every step of the way. Slowly he could feel Castiel start to relax, changing his movements with slightly more diversity. He began to move his shoulders a little, and even tilted his head in time with the beat. Dean could feel the muscles moving under his hands, going tighter then looser with each of Cas’s steps. Since he had gotten him this far, there was one more thing he wanted to try. With a gentle squeeze he asked, “Do you trust me?” 

Cas gave him a startled look over his shoulder. It was the last thing he expected Dean to ask him but the answer didn’t need any thought at all. There wasn’t anything that Dean had asked of him that he hadn’t done, if it was within his power. 

“I trust you.” he replied.

The next thing he felt was Dean’s hands leave his shoulders. He wanted to protest losing the warmth that had started seeping into him through those hands, but he never got the chance. He felt Dean take one step closer to him, into the personal space that Dean was always lecturing him about. 

Then the warmth returned, only this time he felt the heat almost tenfold.

Dean’s hands were no longer on his shoulders, but instead settled securely on his hips. 

Dean was so close to him that he once again got a hint of his cologne, and it was making Cas dizzy. He started to feel Dean softly push him, alternating from one hip to the other, making him start to slowly mimic what Dean silently asked of him. Being so close to him was completely shutting down his brain so he had no choice to just follow where Dean wanted him to go. He closed his eyes and allowed the comfort of those hands to completely take over. 

Take a bottle, shake it up  
Break the bubble, break it up! 

Dean was encouraged by the way Cas was taking his instructions. “Very good.” he murmured. “Slightly bend your knees a little.” Cas immediately obeyed. Keeping his voice low, he continued. “Now, I want you to start moving your hips in a figure 8. Start small, but I want you to gradually go larger as you get more comfortable. Think you can do that for me?” 

By this point, Cas couldn’t refuse even if he wanted to. His body was no longer his own but followed Dean’s every command. He started moving as instructed, feeling himself growing bolder with each second. Each undulation of his hips brought his ass closer to Dean, even felt it brush against him now and then. He couldn’t see Dean’s reaction, but for now was thankful they were no longer looking at each other. He was positive that whatever look that was currently on his face would be enough to clue Dean into what was going through his head.

What he didn’t realize was that Dean was having the same internal struggle. Dean couldn't help but notice the way that Cas seemed to fit into his hands so perfectly. He watched as Cas slowly became bolder, rolling his hips closer towards his crotch, brushing against it just enough to make Dean want more. Before he realized what he was doing he had inched his way forward, slowly closing the gap between them. The next thing he knew, he had pressed himself flushed with Cas, molding himself completely to the man gyrating in front it him. 

Cas was temporarily startled when he felt Dean press against him. Without realizing what he was doing, he had thrown his arms backwards to steady himself and ended grabbing onto the tight ass that was slowly rolling in time with his own movements. He thought he had heard a low sound coming from behind him but he wasn’t sure. He was too busy trying to hide the breathy moan that somehow has escaped his own lips.

Within milliseconds, they had began to move as one. Dean was damn near panting in Cas’s ear by now, completely lost to the rhythm set by the man moving sensuously under his tutelage. Closing his eyes, he felt the heat from Cas’s body searing into his own. Moving solely on instinct Dean moved his left hand forward until he was able to settle it flush against Cas’s tight stomach. His fingers grabbed a tight hold onto the white button down and made no indication of letting go anytime soon. On the contrary they pulled Castiel against him even tighter, making them solidly connected from shoulders to thighs. He felt a slight rumble in his chest, suddenly realizing that it was actually coming from Cas who was practically purring in his arms. The realization had his blood heating up enough to want to see how far he could take this. Before it dawned on him that this was probably a bad idea, he used his hands to quickly spin Cas around. But he definitely wasn’t prepared for the look on his face.

Pure. Fucking. Lust. 

Those blue eyes that always were shining bright with a light of their own were now heavy lidded and dark, the pupil blown so wide that only the barest hint of blue remained. Those pink lips were slightly parted until Cas unconsciously bit the bottom one then sucking on it until it plumped up invitingly. 

Without missing a beat the two men perfectly slotted themselves together. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, telling himself that it was just to help him keep his balance while he continued to move the way he was being directed to. Dean however, moved his hands lower still, cupping the tight muscles of the ass that was making Dean’s brain completely short-circuit. All that was registering was the punishing rhythm they found themselves in. They became completely entranced within both the music and each other.

Pour some sugar on me  
Ooh, in the name of love  
Pour some sugar on me  
C’mon, fire me up  
Pour some sugar on me  
I can’t get enough  
I’m hot, sticky sweet  
From my head to my feet, yeah! 

They continued to move together flawlessly until the song reached its final notes although they had slowed their movements, never stopping completely, neither of them wanting to leave the bubble they found themselves in. As silence filled the room once again they just stared at each other.

“Cas?” Dean whispered. 

Castiel could only swallow in response.

Before another word could be said, music swirled around them. A slower, more mellow tune but one that instantly had the hair on the back of Dean’s neck rising. Of all the songs his playlist had chosen, it had to be this one. His phone certainly had a warped sense of humor. 

“You ready to slow this down for a bit?” Dean asked, his voice still low and throaty. He pulled Cas close to him once again, moving one hand towards on his lower back and threading the other in the short hair on the nape of his neck. Cas’s eyes slid closed once again, completely surrendering himself to whatever happens. Dean’s voice invaded his senses as he heard the deep sound singing along softly.

I hear a voice in my mind  
I know her face by heart  
Heaven and Earth are moving in my soul  
I don’t know where to start  
Tell me, tell me the words to define  
The way I feel about someone so fine……

Using the slightest of pressure he maneuvered Cas’s head until it was cradled gently against his shoulder. He continued to sing softly, whispering the words into the ear of the man in his arms.

How do you talk to an Angel?  
How do you hold her close to where you are?  
How do you talk to an Angel?  
It’s like trying to catch a falling star…...

Through his haze the lyrics suddenly became crystal clear in Cas’s mind. A vice tightened around his heart and he felt unable to breathe. Hearing them in Dean’s voice was the most beautiful had ever heard in his entire millennia of being. He lifted his head to gaze into those impossibly green eyes, seeing so many promises that he wished with all his heart would be made. His arms around Dean tightened infinitesimally as he slowly dropped his gaze towards the lips still singing softly to him.

At night I dream that she is there  
And I can feel her in the air  
Tell me, tell me the words to define  
The way I feel about someone so fine….. 

How do you talk to an Angel?  
How do you hold her close to where you are?  
How do you talk to an Angel?  
It’s like trying to catch a falling star…..

Dean made eye contact with Cas as soon as he lifted his head. He noticed the way he had dropped his gaze and his mind starting to race. Was Cas going to kiss him? He knew that it should feel awkward but it didn’t. This was his best friend after all. That should have given him the warning he needed to pull back before something happened neither of them could take back. Instead, it pushed him forward slowly. He closed his eyes, feeling the lightest brush of Cas’s lips against his own. He was prepared to completely surrender…….

Suddenly the moment was broken by obnoxious music blaring from the speaker. They both jumped back, releasing each other as if they were physically burned by the other’s presence. Dean gave an embarrassed smile as he walked over and answered his phone, still blasting his mood killing ringtone. 

“Who the hell is this?” he snarled.

“Gee Dean, nice to know you missed me!” Sam chuckled from the other end.

“Sam?”

“Well it ain't the tooth fairy!” Sam laughed. “What's got you so riled up anyway?”

How was supposed to answer that? ‘Yeah I'm kinda busy teaching Cas how to pick up woman but I ended up macking on him instead?’ Nope. Wasn't going to happen. 

“I'm not interrupting anything, am I?” Sam asked innocently enough. 

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Actually…..”

“Dude! Sorry I asked! I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be a few extra days.” 

Dean frowned. “You alright?”

“Yeah Dean, I'm fine. I just met a few people and we decided to hang out a little while longer. Drink a few, play cards….nothing special.”

Dean instantly picked out the forced nonchalance and chuckled. “What's her name Sam?” 

“ What? Who? I mean...no one.”

“Uh huh.”

Sam sighed. “Fine. Her name is Amelia.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“That's all you're going to tell me? Just her name?”

“You want her life story or something?” 

“Gotta look out for my little brother, ya know.”

“I'm a big boy Dean, I think I can handle this without your interference.” Sam laughed. 

“Alright. Do we need to have that special talk about what happens when a man and a woman…”

“AND THAT'S MY CUE TO HANG UP!” Sam all but shouted. “I'll see you in a few days.”

“Ok Sammy.”

Dean ended the call with a smile. Annoying his brother would always be his favorite past time. His thoughts were cut off when his phone immediately started playing where it left off and it reminded him just what he had be in the middle of doing when Sam called. 

Castiel.

He groaned to himself. How was he supposed to explain what had happened without hurting his feelings? It's not like he had planned on basically dry humping him in the library. Plus he definitely had to explain almost kissing him. It's not like Cas was going to stop him through. Hell if anything, he looked pretty damn encouraging. How do you explain to someone who had almost zero concept of correct social interactions that kissing your friends….like that…..just wasn't done. He sighed. He'll just have to figure it out as he went along. 

He turned towards where he had left Cas standing, ready to just start talking and hope the right words came out. Immediately he noticed the main flaw in his plan. 

Castiel was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel deals with the fallout of his encounter with Dean and comes to a decision.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kind of emotional for me to write. I hope I didn't do too badly. 
> 
> As always comments and suggestions are welcome!
> 
> ~Penguin

The sudden change of music was enough to rip Castiel out of the haze cast over him. Dean had walked over to disconnect his phone from the bluetooth speaker before answering it.

“Who the hell is this?” he had snarled, followed by “Sam?”

For a few sacred moments, they had been the only ones in existence. Hearing Dean talking to his younger brother was enough to pull him back into reality. He closed his eyes tightly, fighting the sting that was building up behind them although he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why. Disappointment? Definitely. Frustration? That was a given. But he strongest emotion that was attempting to drown him was pure mortification.

He had known for years that he shared a profound bond with Dean, ever since he had fought to raise him from his sentence in Hell. His soul had shone so bright, the most Righteous man he had ever known. Castiel had made it his mission to watch over and protect this man. He never had dared hoped to become his friend, yet years later that Righteous man had grown into more than a friend but family. Someone he would lay his life down for without the slightest hesitation. He would do the same for Sam of course. But his bond with Dean was just…..extraordinary. However the more time he spent with Dean, the deeper those feelings grew. He hadn’t quite put a name to the emotion (yet) but Dean had made him watch enough Netflix movies to understand what had happened.

He had fallen totally, completely, and irrevocably in love with Dean Winchester.

And he had just royally fucked everything up.

He covered his face with his hands, feeling the heat seeping out of his skin. Peeking through his fingers he glanced at Dean, seeing him still occupied with talking to his brother.

“What’s her name Sam?” he had asked.

Cas didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. His heart was thundering too loudly for him to take notice of anything else except his own embarrassment. The sudden tears he had fighting were starting to push through, and there was absolutely no way he would let Dean see them. He quickly thought of a place where he could go wallow in his misery in privacy. The image slowly took form in his mind, and once it was completely clear it only took one gentle flap of his wings to bring him there. Although his face was still gently cradled in his hands, he could still feel the environmental change around him. The coolness of the bunker had been replaced by a gentle warmth he felt coming from above. A gentle breeze caressed him, bringing with it the sounds of birds singing and the faint rustling of leaves. Castiel looked up and took in his new surroundings.

He was at the infamous playground. It was once the only doorway back into Heaven and the only home he had known, up until then. Now that angelic portal had been closed forever but this place still carried a symbolic meaning for him. It stood as a reminder to him of the line he was always walking between his angelic origins and the life he had found for himself here on earth. He would visit this place often and he used it as a place to regroup himself. Sometimes he would just sit and talk to God, knowing that he’d never receive an answer but took comfort in knowing that his Father was still listening. Other times he would just sit quietly and watch the children play, marveling at how the tiny humans were full of the curiosity that he’d often find in himself. The difference was that they had someone who help guide them throughout their life. For the longest time Castiel had no one. He had simply followed orders while looking neither left or right. After his rebellion he had been left on his own to figure things out, and more often than not he had found himself in some truly awkward situations. But with the help of the Winchesters he had slowly begun to become comfortable in his own mind. Essentially they were almost like parents to him. (Dean did call him a baby in a trenchcoat after all…..that kinda hurt but only because he realized that he was right, in a sense). They had taught him things he never would have figured out on his own.

Sam had taught him the basics of technology: how to use a cell phone (that voice still annoys him), how to use the internet to search for potential cases. He even taught him a few things around the kitchen, just in case no one was there and Cas found himself hungry. Everything still tasted like molecules to him but he noticed that the brothers often had bonding moments over a cheeseburger and a few beers. He had wanted to be included so they welcomed him in. Sam taught him what he felt was the easiest things for Cas to prepare: cereal and milk, a PB & J sandwich, and how to nuke anything frozen. He even learned how to use the coffee maker and loved to bring the boys a cup as they were slowly shuffling their way into the kitchen every morning.

The scene was always the same. Dean took the cup of black coffee offered to him with a grunt and slugged it back before he was able to made sensible conversation. By the time he was ready for his second cup Sam came stumbling in. He always thanked Cas before adding his sugar and creamer. But instead of chugging it like his brother, Sam just calmly sipped it. He took his time and seemed to really enjoy those quiet moments in the morning with them. It made Cas inexplicably happy. It never seemed to last long however and the soothing moments were usually broken in the same way. Sam would get up to make himself something to eat, usually a bowl of cereal if he had work to do. Dean would make some kind of sarcastic comment about the healthy food that Sam favored (You call that cereal Sam?! No frosting, no marshmallows? That’s just shredded cardboard you’re eating!) Sam would roll his eyes and quip that he wasn’t ready to have a heart attack before he turned 40, and Dean was more than happy to make something for himself. This usually led to Dean getting up and preparing a ‘man’s breakfast’ of bacon, eggs and sausage, or whatever they had at the time. The brothers would jibe back and forth at each other but Cas could feel the underlying affection between the two of them. He wanted to be included but also didn’t want to intrude in the few happy times they had. So he usually sat back and watched with a quiet smile.

Things had changed early one quiet morning. Sam and Dean were still asleep so Cas walked quietly into the kitchen. He wasn’t sure why but he was in a very good mood. In fact, he decided that he wanted to surprise the boys and try to have some breakfast ready for them along with their coffee. There still wasn’t much he could prepare on his own but he knew (hoped) they would appreciate the gesture. He filled the coffee pot’s reservoir with the right amount of water and carefully measured out the grounds. Once it was slowly dripping he went to the refrigerator and looked for an idea. He spied Sam’s organic apricot jam sitting next to Dean’s generic brand grape jelly and inspiration hit him. Grabbing the 2 distinctively different jars, he placed them on the table before reaching for the loaf of bread. Toast and coffee wasn’t anything special but it was all he could manage so he couldn’t help being a little excited.

He extracted two slices of bread and walked over towards the toaster. Honestly he hadn’t used it before although Sam had told him it was simple enough. He stared at the little appliance, not sure how the bread was supposed to be inserted correctly. He couldn’t remember if Sam told him the curved part of the bread went towards the top or upside down. He finally shrugged and decided to put in one slice each way. When he went to remove them when they were finished, he would see with one toasted better and would continue doing it that way. He added the bread and carefully pushed the lever down, feeling it catch. Cas peered inside and watched the coils slowly glow red. He was so fascinated by it that he hadn’t realized how much time he had spent just staring into it. Suddenly the toast popped up and it had scared the living shit out of him. He jumped back so quickly he ended up tripping on his own feet and landed with a loud crash against the hard floor, knocking over a chair in the process. The scream he had let out must have been enough to wake the dead because within moments Dean had come barreling around the corner with his gun in his hand ready to shoot whatever was interrupting his sleep and had the nerve to enter their sanctuary.

Dean had found Cas sitting on the ground gasping for breath and holding a hand to his heart. He quickly scanned the room looking for the cause of the ruckus but found nothing, but experience had taught him that just because he couldn’t see anything didn’t mean there wasn’t anything wrong. “Cas, you ok?” he demanded. Cas had just stared at him, wide-eyed. “What the hell is it Cas? A ghost, shifter, WHAT?” he shouted.

“Toast…” Cas croaked.

Dean squinted at him, not sure he had heard correctly. “What???”

Cas cleared his throat, slowing calming down. “Toast.” he repeated quietly. He started to feel sheepish at waking Dean up over something so inconsequential. The man earns every hour of sleep he manages to catch. He took in the sight before him. Dean was shirtless, his faded pajama pants hanging low over his hips, bare feet poking through the bottom, his dark blonde hair was sticking out in every direction. From the looks of it, he had been sleeping pretty well but that hadn’t stopped him from becoming battle ready in an instant.

Dean looked over at the offending appliance and finally noticed the two slices protruding from the top, cooling off. Without even looking he quickly re-engaged the safety on his gun and set it next to the coffee pot. He slowly swung his attention back to Cas still sitting on the floor looking like a frightened child. He couldn’t help think it somewhat adorable.

“You mean to tell me,” he said, taking halting steps towards Cas and doing his damndest not to burst out laughing, “that Castiel, Angel of the Lord and former Commander of the Heavenly Host, lost his shit over a piece of freakin toast??” Dean held out a hand towards the angel, who readily accepted it and was unceremoniously hauled to his feet. Once he was at eye level Dean simply waiting for response.

“I was trying to make breakfast. And if I’m being honest this is all Sam’s fault. When he explained how to work that demonic machinery he neglected to tell me that it randomly throws your food back at you.” he answered with a glare. Dean couldn’t hold it in any longer. He had started laughing so hard that it seemed to echo from every corner of the kitchen. After a moment Dean could see a small smile curving upwards on Castiel’s face. “I guess looking at it from your perspective it does seem pretty ridiculous.”

Dean just threw an arm around Castiel’s shoulder, still chuckling. “Well that’s what you get for letting Sam teach you the ways of rabbit food. You end up getting scared like one!”

Cas walked out of Dean’s half-embrace and retrieved the now cold toast which he then placed on a plate and put on the table. “Now that I’m better prepared, I can make some more.”

“Nah man. Don’t worry about it.”

Cas arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It has gotten cold by now. I assumed it would be better while it was still hot.”

Dean nodded, then after picking up the chair that had been knocked over, sat down and began to spread his jelly over a slice. “True, but you still made this for us so I’m going to eat it. And after that, I’m going to teach you how to fry eggs. Deal?”

Cas couldn’t help grinning like an idiot. “Deal.”

Cas started walking towards an empty bench just on the other side of the sandbox, still awash in his pleasant memories and temporarily forgetting the reason he disappeared in the first place. After that eventful morning (and Dean telling Sam the entire story, which caused a new round of laughter) Dean had taken it upon himself to do the same as Sam and teach him things that he felt was important for him to know. He lectured him on the merits of certain bands, which local places served the best food (which in Dean terms meant the best pie), and even showed him how to field strip and clean their assortment of weapons. Cas knew he had no need of such knowledge but listened attentively anyway. But his absolute favorite times were when he was helping Dean work on his Baby. Honestly he wasn't much help except for handing Dean whatever he needed at the time, once he figured out which tools were called what. However Dean talked him through whatever he was working on, the way he used to do for Sam. Changing the oil, changing spark plugs, replacing the brakes or just giving her a good wash and wax: Dean was in heaven. That car was his pride and joy, and Cas felt honored to be able to share those moments with him. In fact, it was during those times that he had begun to realize the feelings he had for Dean ran deeper than just being family.

He didn't know what to do. Past experiences had taught him that hiding things never turned out well, but this was different. They weren't fighting some monster or trying to solve some mystery running rampant in a town in the middle of nowhere. And even though Dean had made him promise to always be honest with him, Cas found that he just couldn't.

So he never did. He kept his feelings to himself and just enjoyed his time with the brothers. He came whenever Dean called him, did whatever was asked without hesitation. But when it came time to celebrate a job well done, Cas had always declined. Although Dean never understood why, he didn't press for answers and he never took it personally. Cas was grateful for that. How was he supposed to explain that seeing Dean smiling at a beautiful woman left a sick feeling in his stomach? He had no claim on him, even though technically neither did Dean's conquest for that night. In the end he decided that seeing Dean happy was worth his internal pain, so he stayed silent.

His moroseness came flooding back in a tidal wave. As he looked heavenward a sigh escaped him that seemed to come from the dredges of his soul. Cas had promised himself in the past that he wouldn’t let his feelings for the eldest Winchester tarnish the friendship that he cherished. He figured that he had done well enough so far and just had to take it one day at a time. However what had just happened between still had him reeling.

In all his fantasies, he never could have imagined how right it felt to have Dean pressing against him. They had simply molded seamlessly together, as if his Father had made him for Castiel alone. For a split second he had allowed himself to believe the expression on Dean’s face, to believe the hunter felt the same things he felt. He closed his eyes and replayed the scene in his mind, hungrily reliving each detail.

The way Dean had pulled him close from behind, breathing hotly in his ear while moving sinfully against him.

Dean spinning him around.

Feeling Dean’s hand sliding gently up his neck to rest in the soft hair of his nape.

Dean using that same hand to pull him closer still, encouraging him to lay his spinning head on that firm shoulder that so often held the weight of the world.

Dean tightening his arms just a little more, making their embrace that much more delicate.

Feeling himself completely melt as Dean’s deep voice softens as he gently sings along to the music caressing them.

The jolt of awareness that had him suddenly staring inches away from the face that haunted him constantly. The light dusting of freckles that kissed the bridge of his nose. Those long lashes that only accentuated the depths of endless green pools. Inching closer to the lips that were never far from Cas’s deepest thoughts.

Then Dean whispered his name, causing everything inside him to freeze with anticipation.

_Cas……_

A single tear managed to escape, no longer able to be held captive behind those sorrowful blue eyes. The memory was still so fresh, so vivid, that it was almost like Castiel could hear him as if he was only inches away instead of countless miles.

_Cas, please……_

He breathed a deep sigh, trying his best to collect himself together while pushing those thoughts as far away as possible. He was stronger than this. He just had to keep fighting, no matter how painful.

_Dammit Cas…...get back here!_

Realization dawned on him. It wasn’t only his memory that was crystal clear, but also the prayer of his friend, sounding desperate to contact him. Any other time he would be there in an instant. But now, after what happened, he’s not sure he can. Even Angels have their limits.

He again looked heavenward. “Help me Father…” he pleaded. “Humanity is your most wondrous creation, but still so……” He couldn’t even finish his sentence without more tears staining his cheeks. This time he didn’t even try to fight them but allowed them to fall unchecked. He knew his Father never answered, no matter how sincerely he prayed. Instead, he just listened to the voice floating in his mind, sounding more broken with each word.

_Castiel...please...I’m so sorry…..._

_Please……_

_Come talk to me……_

Castiel stood up and wiped his face with his hand, trying to clear away all traces of his emotional outburst. He knew that if he didn’t answer Dean’s pleas, Dean would probably end up tearing out of the bunker in Baby and come looking for him. The thought warmed him slightly, except he knew that an emotional Dean was also a reckless Dean. With a grunt of resignation and the squaring of his shoulders, he once again tries to lock away his innermost feelings.

He sees that he has only two choices. He can go to the bunker and confront Dean about everything, lay it on the line once and for all. A huge risk with a better payoff if it works, but if it didn’t…..the guaranteed loss of their friendship was just too high of a gamble.

Or he can either give himself more time to get his emotions under control, and plan his course of action out more carefully. This seems to be the smarter plan, although leaving Dean to assume the worst on his own may have worse repercussions than he can predict.

A few more moments of deep pondering and staring into nothing gave Cas the time he needed to come to a decision.

After one last look around at his peaceful surroundings, he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean struggles with the implications of what happened between him and Cas. Is he ready to admit the obvious, or had denial caused him to do the unforgivable?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in updating. Between me returning to work full time, my niece being hospitalized for a short time, and my medical condition raring its ugly head I've had a lot on my plate. But being temporarily bed bound does have a few perks....I rewatched my fave episodes of Supernatural and managed to get a chapter finished.

After ending his phone call with Sam, Dean had turned back around to talk to Cas, hopeful that his embarrassment wouldn’t add to the already awkward atmosphere around them. To his shock, Cas had disappeared.

“Cas?” he asked, knowing full well that if Cas had taken off it meant one of two things. Either he had been called away on some Angel Business, or he had seriously fucked up and made his friend too uncomfortable to be around him.

With Dean’s luck, he knew where to place his bet.

He swore to himself. He never meant to do anything to hurt Cas’s feelings, but it did happen on occasion. The times he had in the past, he had apologized (in his own way, of course. He still doesn’t do the _chick flick_ thing) and Cas had always forgiven him with the understanding that it wasn’t intentional. After a few hours of quietly staring and sulking Cas was always back to his adorably clueless self and life went on. No harm, no foul.

Dean had a sick feeling in his gut that it was different this time. He wasn’t sure why. His instincts has been honed to perfection over the years to let him know when something wasn’t right, and right now they were screaming obscenities in head, on an endless loop. He started to slightly panic.

“Dammit Cas, get back here!” he yelled towards the ceiling. The only response he got was the music that was still playing on his phone, which he certainly wasn’t in the mood for anymore. He quickly closed the music app and shoved the phone almost violently in his pocket. He really wanted to throw it and watch it smash into a million pieces but he restrained himself.

He knew being pissed at himself wasn’t going to help the situation any, but he couldn’t help feeling like the colossal asshole everyone already thought he was. The only people who knew the truth about his (somewhat) softer side was Sam and Castiel, and even then it was because Cas had managed to bring it out of him.

Sam understood that Dean didn’t mean to come off the way he did, but Dean knew that he was the best hunter in the business and it often came out as his being arrogant and self-serving. It was just his way of protecting himself and his heart. Sam had tried countless times over the years to get him to just relax in between hunts, let everything go, and realize that he didn’t have to have a weapon in his hand 24/7. Dean refused. He took the life seriously. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t, but Sam had managed from time to time to find a way out of it and be free and happy. But he had always come back for one reason or another, bringing with him memories that seemed to help him on lonely nights. Dean had envied him that. He had tried once, and for a short time he was able to fool himself into thinking that he could have the ‘apple pie’ life he’s always wanted. But the past always comes back to haunt a Winchester, and Dean was forced to make a decision: his happiness for their safety. The same nanosecond it took him to make that choice was the same one where he had locked away any hope he ever had of happiness and threw away the key. His only focus in life was keeping Sam safe and happy while slaughtering the monsters that threatened anyone else’s dreams. Nothing and no one else mattered.

Everything had changed however on a chilly day in September, in a simple freestanding barn in Pontiac, Illinois. He had met a creature that they had all been fearful of, not knowing if they were about to die a bloody death or add another notch into their belt. The last thing he had expected was to meet an Angel. And not just any Angel, the one who was responsible for saving him from the deepest recesses of the Pit. Dean was both grateful and confused, but had eventually come to terms that not every creature they meet was out for their destruction. After several misunderstandings and close calls, Castiel had become a friend and an alley for the brothers. When Cas had been disowned by his own kind, the Winchesters had instantly welcomed him into their little bubble and they had made him feel like he was no longer an outsider anywhere.

Teaching Castiel the subtleties of humanity often had hilarious results. More often than not it was like raising a toddler, who also happened to have the power to smite you into oblivion. The contrast was enough to keep the boys thoroughly entertained. And although Cas felt affection for the Winchesters as evenly as possible, he never resisted the occasion to point out that he did have the more profound bond with Dean.

Maybe it was because of that bond, or perhaps because Dean had spent so much time raising Sammy as a kid; whatever it was, Dean had found him becoming closer with Cas. He had fond memories of teaching Sam things when he was younger and now he had the opportunity to do the same thing again, this time with more experience backing him up. With Sam, he took things as they came and was grateful that he hadn’t managed to completely screw the kid up. John had done enough of that for the both of them. But Sam had turned into someone that Dean was incessantly proud of. Now he had the chance to relive all those good memories with Cas, and he loved every minute of it.

As time went on, he began to depend on Cas as much as he did on Sam. A hunter’s life was always bound to be lonely, and they fact that he had his brother was a comfort. Now he had his brother AND a best friend. He knew he was lucky, and tried his best not to take either of them for granted.

But given the current situation, he knew that he done exactly that. He knew Cas still didn’t understand everything the way they wanted him to just yet. He didn’t even stop to think whether or not it would have been a good idea to put Cas in this situation. He had been selfish, only thinking of himself and the possibility of getting laid tonight. Hell, he didn’t even stop to think what he would do if he found himself a piece of ass and Cas didn’t. Would he have left him to for fend for himself? He didn’t think he would have been _that_ heartless, but whiskey and pouty lips often gave him tunnel vision of only the night to come.

God, he really was an ass.

And he desperately wanted to fix it. But he didn’t know how.

He walked silently back into his room and closed the door quietly behind him. He took his phone from his pocket and threw it carelessly on the bedside table before sinking down on the bed, his head in his hands. The guilt that had started nipping at his heels had become more incessant, taunting him.

_You fucked up Winchester….._

He grunted loudly, trying to chase the voice out of his subconscious. But it only seemed to piss it off more, making it echo even louder.

_The one true friend you’ve ever had, and you had to scare him away…._

Dean flopped backwards on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm. Even now, he can still picture those blue eyes staring at him while Dean had his hands touching him. He grudgingly admitted that while they had been so close to each other, he had thoughts floating through his mind the entire time that had never been there before. Thoughts he had chalked up to too much whiskey and not enough women. He told himself that it was just a biological response and it didn’t mean anything, which had allowed himself to relax further and just enjoy feeling Cas up against him.

_You liked it….._

Dean’s breath hitched as his inner voice taunted him further. He was NOT ready to have this conversation, with himself or anyone else. So he tried to fight back.

_Shut up!_

_You know I’m right…._

_It isn’t like that!_

_So how is it then?_

_He’s my best friend. Nothing more._

_Are you sure?_

Dean had no reply for that. He thought back to all the great times they had together. Curling up on the couch watching crap movies. Spending time in the kitchen cooking while Cas watched him like he was the most fascinating thing on the planet. Fixing his Baby while Cas watched but never judged his attachment to the car. Walking around outside with Cas because he wanted to watch the bees (ok even he had to admit that was a little sappy, but the private conversations they’ve had during those walks were some of his best memories. He didn’t have to talk about lore or monsters, or his own worries and self-doubt. He was just free to be himself.) Sam had good-naturedly picked on them about it, saying they acting more like a couple every day. Dean had always just told him to shut up and mind his own business before he woke up with an impromptu haircut. Cas never said a word about the way things were between them. He just kept on smiling happily and let the brothers have their moments but kept his opinions to himself. Looking back, he can see why Sam thought that way. It certainly _looked_   that way. If they weren’t on a hunt, all his free time was spent with Castiel. Sam certainly wasn’t stupid, and he had a tendency to see things in a way that Dean often overlooked. It was one of the reasons they made such a great team. Perhaps Sam had seen something in Castiel that he hadn’t noticed, or more accurately, refused to acknowledge.

The more he thought about things the more agitated he became. He sat up and pulled off his boots, throwing them across the room and landing with a loud thunk against the wall. He still wasn’t satisfied. He could feel anger, guilt, and helplessness building up inside him and he knew if he didn’t get rid of it he was bound to do something reckless. He quickly ripped his shirt off and tossed it over his shoulder before dropping to the floor. Situating himself on his toes and bare knuckles he began to do push-ups, counting them out loud to drown out the voice still haunting him.

1...2...3...

_You know I’m right….._

4...5...6…

_You are a fuck up Dean Winchester…_

7...8...9…

_Who knows if he’ll even come back this time?_

He pushed himself relentlessly, until his arms felt like goo and the sweat poured off of him. Everytime he was ready to quit, that voice pushed him farther into his downward spiral.

_You need to apologize..._

52...53...54…

_You’re going to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to you…_

Dean suddenly stopped, arms straining to hold up off the floor. The thought of Cas never coming back hadn’t crossed his mind until just then and it was **painful**. He collapsed onto the floor, feeling the coldness shock his overheated skin. Dean sat there and let his guilt consume him. He had been a complete dick, and an ever shittier friend. And if there is one thing on this planet that Dean Winchester wasn’t good at, it was admitting he was wrong and that he fucked up.

But for the sake of his friendship with Castiel, he had to try. He bowed his head and prayed.

“Castiel...please...I’m so sorry…”

He waited for a moment to see if Cas would show, even though he didn’t really expect him to. He knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. So be it.

“Come talk to me.” he begged. Again, nothing but silence greeted him. His thoughts ran wild, wondering where Cas could have gone. Heaven wasn’t an option anymore, and there were still Angels that would love to get their hands on the One they felt was responsible for them getting cast out in the first place. If anything happened to him because of Dean’s stupidity……..he refused to finish that train of thought, but it made his pleading more urgent.

“Please....” he whispered.

The deafening silence around him still wasn’t loud enough to drown of the sounds of his heart slowly cracking into pieces.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets some advice from the most unexpected of places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok don't ask me what the hell happened in this chapter. I was on a roll after completing the last chapter and this just snuck up from out of left field. 
> 
> Mega thanks to hvnlyangel80, for being the best beta a girl could ask for (and not complaining when I shamelessly used you for a sounding board for my craziness!)

Cas stared at the unimposing building in front of him. He’s not sure why he had chosen to come here. All he knew was that he wasn’t ready to face what was waiting for him back at the bunker, whatever it may be.

 

For the last 2 days his head had been filled with Dean’s pleading and apologies. It’s not that he didn’t want to go back and fix things. He just knew that whatever happened when he returned would forever change the dynamic between them, and it honestly scared him. He didn’t want to change a thing between him and the two men he had come to call his family. Whatever Dean felt towards him, he also knew that Sam would no doubt take up for his brother in all things. So if Dean decided that Cas was no longer welcome, he knew he would lose Sam too. It made him feel sick to his stomach.

 

But he also knew that he couldn’t keep running away and ignoring Dean either. This was something that had to be dealt with. He just didn’t know how. He had spent the last few days visiting different areas of the country, trying to find some solace so he could think clearly. The only problem was, every place he visited had something that reminded him of Dean.

 

He had tried walking a few miles inside the quiet majesty of the Redwood National Park in Northern California. It was peaceful and serene, definitely a contrast to the thoughts swirling inside his mind. He had closed his eyes and inhaled everything around him: the gentle breeze, the smell of the moist earth. He turned his face upward and soaked in the warmth of the few gentle rays that managed to break through the canopy above. When he had finally opened his eyes again he felt a jolt of pain shoot clean through him and his mouth was instantly dry.

 

The vibrant green above him was almost glowing with the sunlight and he couldn’t help but compare them to the way Dean’s eyes would light up when he laughed. A few of his happiest memories came crashing back and he knew that he couldn’t dwell on that now. It still hurt to think about what he had probably lost. With a quick flap of his wings he left that place and tried again. But any place he went, it never worked. Dean was everywhere.

 

The calm lake in Wisconsin reminded him of Dean’s patience with him, and the first time he tried teaching Cas how to fish. They never did catch anything that day. Dean said they had laughed so much they probably had scared them all away.

 

He even tried to watch people at a beach in Florida. But as he walked he kept seeing things that had his imagination running wild. A glimpse of dirty blonde hair on a man that was just the right height had him doing a double take. On a second glance he saw that he was being foolish. He wasn’t anything like Dean at all. Similar coloring, perhaps, but his build was off, his laugh didn’t have that  _ something _ that made Dean’s unique, and his legs definitely wasn’t bowlegged enough.

 

He kept walking though the crowds, his mind on his thoughts and not enough of surroundings. Before he realized it, he had walked so far that the crowds had thinned considerably. Dusk had fallen and the streets began to glow with neon lights and other signs of the nightlife. He took that as his cue to leave. He wasn’t used to going out without Dean to keep him from completely embarrassing himself, and he definitely wasn’t in the mood to try now. But he really could use a drink. Perhaps there was somewhere he could go that he’s been before, which still kept his options at a minimum. One place had come to his mind and he’s still not sure why. Within moments he had found himself back where his friendship with Dean took an interesting turn. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


He looked up at the building in front of him. The worn down wooden facade didn’t give any indication as to what lay within, but he had been here once before with Dean. He knew that anyone just looking at the almost dilapidated building would be totally clueless as to the secret it kept inside. His memories of his last visit almost had him turning around and going back the way he came. Cas had been clueless and embarrassed. Now, he understood more about what happened behind these closed doors, and he came hoping for some answers. At the very least, it would be the last place Dean would think to look for him.

 

He finally walked towards the door. The glass inserts were so filthy that it was impossible to see through them and the doorknob was so rusted that it couldn’t even be turned anymore. He just pushed it open, hearing the hinges squeak in protest. After taking a few careful steps inside he let go off the door and watched it slowly close on it’s own. The tiny area he found himself standing in was dimly lit, save for a tiny bulb lighting the way up a rickety staircase to his left. He glances upwards, hearing muted music floating from upstairs. Putting away the last remnants of his hesitation, he slowly takes one step at a time. With each step the pulsing music becomes louder, but still doesn’t completely drown out the way his heart is beating in triple time. 

 

At the top of the stairs there is another door waiting for him. This one looks more taken care of, if the handpainted lettering on it was any indication.

 

**The Pussycat’s Den**

**Must Be 21 To Enter**

**Please have I.D. Ready**

 

Castiel pushes the second door open and all his senses is assaulted at the same time, making him suddenly feel overwhelmed. He looks around at the room he was standing in. A bar stands along the far wall with a display of various liquor bottles behind it and a scantily clad bartender  with chestnut hair walking the length and chatting with patrons who clamored for her attention. In front of the bar different tables sit almost in semi-circle with different people sitting there sipping on drinks and watching the ‘waitresses’ walk among them, all of them in different stages of undress. He swallows painfully. This was definitely a bad idea and he shouldn’t have come here.

 

Before he could turn around and make a hasty exit, he caught the attention of a woman walking out of a hallway nestled towards the back of the dimly lit room. The instant her eyes landed on him she gave him a wide smile and started moving towards him. Cas took in the confidence she used as she commanded the attention of every man in the room. 

 

Castiel felt slightly jealous, because she made it look too easy. Her movements were flawless and not the slightest bit inhibited by her clothing, or lack thereof. She was wearing a crimson lace bra trimmed in black lace that complimented the creamy richness of her milk chocolate skin and thrust her breasts upwards in invitation. Matching boy shorts with tiny bows on the side hugged and accentuated her flat stomach and the curves of her hips. His gaze slid down her long legs to the almost obscene heels she walked in as easily if they had been running shoes. As she advanced on him he noticed a thin belly chain wrapped around her waist that caught the light with each step that she took. He glanced back at her face and saw large brown eyes glinting with mischief. A few seconds later, she stood before him. 

 

“Hello there, handsome. My name is Kali. What’s your name?” she asked in a sultry voice. 

 

Cas swallowed again.

 

She giggled at the expression on his face and reached up to grab his tie. With a gentle pull she led him over to a table before gently pushing him down to sit in one of the chairs before lowering herself down to sit in his lap. She gingerly crossed her legs and leaned into him. 

 

“I understand if you can’t tell me your real name. Anonymity and all that. You mind if I make up one for you?” she asked. At his nod, she pushed out her lower lip and tilted her head to put on a ‘thinking’ face. “Well you look like a tax accountant. How about I call you Clarence?” 

 

Finally finding his voice he rasped, “That’s acceptable.”

 

“Ok Clarence, you wanna tell me what a girl like me can do for a man like you?” She wrapped her shapely arms around his neck and whispered into his ear. “How can I make your dreams come true baby?” She darted out the tip of her tongue to tease the outer shell of his ear but after a few moments of absolutely no response, she leaned back and looked him in the eyes.

 

“Okay, who is she?” she asked.

 

Cas furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Who is who?”

 

“The woman you’ve got on your mind. I know that look. You came looking for a little fun but you can’t get past her. Either she’s just left you and you’re not over her, or she doesn’t even know that you’re in love with her and it’s driving you crazy. Which is it?”

 

Castiel looked downward, not wanting to meet her eyes. “He doesn’t know.” he said quietly. 

 

Kali’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Did you say... _ he _ ?”

 

Castiel only nodded.

 

She covered her mouth to hide her laugh but failed miserably. “Hey I’m not one to judge, but you could have at least told me I was barking up the wrong tree Clarence.” She couldn’t help but see the crestfallen look on his face and immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry for laughing. You just caught me off guard. Let me make it up to you. Would you like a drink?”

 

“Yes please.”

 

“Pick your poison.”

 

“Water would be fine.”

 

Kali huffed out a quick laugh but walked towards the bar anyway. When she returned she took the seat next to Cas instead of returning her perch on his lap. She was sipping something bright green in a martini glass while she handed Castiel a glass tumbler half full of an amber liquid. “I took the liberty of figuring you could use something stronger.” Cas thanked her and took a hesitant sip, feeling the burn traveling down his throat. After taking another sip she continued, “Wanna tell me the real reason you’re here Clarence? You certainly didn’t come to sample the merchandise.”

 

“It’s….complicated.”

 

“Honey, it’s never as complicated as you think. I’ve seen, heard, and done it all. What I don’t understand though, is why you come to a place like this when it’s a man that you have on your mind.”

 

“He had brought me here once before.”

 

Kali couldn’t keep the look of surprise off her face. “Oh?”

 

“It didn’t end well.”

 

“I see. Let me guess. You two were trolling for some ass, he found out you were gay and he bolted?”

 

“Not exactly. He was brought me here to….help. He found out I hadn’t been with a woman before and thought I needed an education.”

 

“And did you satisfy your curiosity?”

 

“I wasn’t curious. I only went along with it because he wanted me to, but the evening ended because I said some things that upset one of the ladies here. We left shortly after.”

 

Kali sat back and took a long look at Cas, perhaps sizing him up and coming to her own conclusions. “Does he know?”

 

“Does he know what?”

 

“That you like men? That you have feelings for him? That you’re here? All of the above?”

 

“I think the safest answer to all three questions is no.”

 

“So why not just tell him?”

 

“I told you, it’s complicated.”

 

“Well honey, uncomplicate it so you can explain it to me.”

 

Castiel had no idea why he opened up to this complete stranger. Perhaps it was the kindness in her eyes or her genuine smile. Either way, he started to relax a little. “We have a...special bond.” At his hesitation she nodded for him to continue and thought of ways to explain the things they had been through without sounding like a complete lunatic. “He was in a...bad place...few years back, and I helped rescue him. Since then I’ve found myself in similar situations and he’s always found a way to get me out of trouble.”

 

“Sounds like someone you can really depend on.”

 

“He is. He’s always there when me or his brother needs him. He puts everyone ahead of himself. When my...family...disowned me, they welcomed me into their own. I would probably be dead by now if it wasn’t for him or his brother.”

 

“And this attraction started when?”

 

Cas wasn’t sure how to answer that and was surprised to hear the words just flowing out of his mouth. “The first moment that I met him. It was like he was shining light in a world of darkness. I wanted to protect him and keep him safe.”

 

Kali’s eyes softened and she placed a hand gently on his. “If he doesn’t know that, you need to tell him. He may surprise you.”

 

Cas laughed lightly. “He doesn’t do what he calls ‘chick flick’ moments.” he said, using his fingers to indicate the quotation marks.

 

Kali sat back and looked smug. “Well since neither if you are chicks, I think that solves that problem.”

 

Before either one of them could speak another word a man with golden brown hair and mischievous smirk came up behind Kali. “Everything alright over here babe?” he asked while keeping his eye on Cas. She glanced up and instantly recognized the man hovering over her.

 

“Everything is fine Angel. Just having a little heart to heart with Clarence here.” She turned back towards Cas and explained. “Gabriel here is part of our security team. He makes sure to keep the more enthusiastic customers at an acceptable level.”

 

Castiel glanced at him with a questioning look. “Have I done something….” he started to ask, but was immediately cut off.

 

“Nah, you’re good man. It just usually doesn’t take Kali that long to come to an arrangement with a client so I was just checking in.”

 

“I don’t think I’m going to be a client.”

 

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and looked at Kali for clarification. “We have a case of the Rainbows, Suga.” she said quietly. Gabe instantly nodded in understanding. Without saying another word he grabbed a chair from another table and pulled it closer to Cas. Flipping it around he straddled it, then looked straight at Cas. 

 

“So are you having the identity crisis, or is loverboy?” he asked. 

 

“Neither.” Kali answered for Cas. “Apparently he’s in love with his best friend but said friend doesn’t know it.”

 

“And I take it this friend not only doesn’t know, but prefers partners of a more feminine persuasion?”

 

Cas nodded. “That’s the easiest way to put it, I suppose.”

 

Gabe shook his head. “What I want to know is, what the hell happened to make you decide to come here, of all places?”

 

Kali laughed and finished the remaining liquid in her glass. “He can’t tell you, it’s complicated.” she said with a smile.

 

“The hell it is!” Gabriel said “Tell you what. I like you. And if Kali here hasn’t clawed your eyes yet that means she likes you too.” He turned to Kali to see the dangerous glint in her eye. “Don’t even say it, you know you love me.” He took Cas’s empty glass and rattled it, hearing the tiny ice cubes clink around. “Whaddya say? Another drink and the entire story? It’s been awhile since we had someone so interesting come in here. Here’s the deal: you get to keep drinking as long as you keep talking. Sound fair?”

 

Cas looked hesitant. “I’m not sure I should…..”

 

Gabriel made an over the top show of begging. “Pleeeese? For me? Seriously. If I have to see another paunchy bald man come in here wanting to wear diapers and be spanked for being a ‘bad boy’ I just may put a gun in my mouth and call it a day.” 

 

“People really do that?” Cas asked in disbelief.

 

“Oh honey, the stories I could tell you. But enough about me. I want YOUR story.” He turned to Kali. “Find us a comfortable room while I gather provisions, will ya babe?” Before she could answer he had already left the table to talk to the bartender. She stood up and held out her hand. “C’mon Clarence. It’ll be easier just to go along with it.” 

 

She led him down the hallway to a small room towards the back and on the left hand side. Upon entering he could see that the walls were painted a dark slate gray color. A simple chandelier was the only light in the room, hanging about 2 feet from the ceiling. It gave of a light glow that seemed to soften the edges of the sparse furniture in the room. There was a queen sized bed tucked against one wall with what looked like black satin sheets. On the adjoining wall was a chaise lounge with a couple of pillows thrown onto it for comfort. Behind the door stood a sink and a small cabinet without doors that showed the well stocked supplies within: washcloths, condoms, lube, tiny bars of soap, and various toys. 

 

“Is this, standard?” Cas asked.

 

Kali grinned. “Not really. This room is usually reserved for those willing to pay the big bucks. Businessmen and the like. But Gabe likes his comfort so he usually gets what he wants.” She gestured towards the chaise. “Have a seat Clarence, and relax. He means you no harm, I promise. He has to act all bad and tough because of his job here but deep down he’s just a harmless teddy bear that like to help people.”

 

“Don’t be telling people that Kali!” Gabe whined as he walked in carrying a tray filled with drinks.  “I have a reputation to uphold! People should fear me!”

 

Kali snorted. “Right Gabriel. Outside of work, you’re about as fearsome as a chicken nugget.”

 

“If you mean that I’m addicting and irresistable, then I’ll take that as a complement.” He walked over to the bed and set the tray down. He proceeded to refill Cas’s glass and handed it to him with a flourish. “Alright let’s get this party started!”

 

One hour and three drinks later, Cas had sufficiently loosened up to tell them everything that had happened between him and Dean, from the moment that Dean had called him to the bunker until he abruptly left after the dancing, and even his wondering around to try and think things through. He even told them about Dean calling out to him, begging him to come back, but he made it sound like it was over a cell phone instead of the prayers that they were. Both Gabe and Kali listened quietly, not wanting to interrupt. By the time he was finished, Cas was sufficiently buzzed definitely more loose-lipped about the entire fiasco. He had been laying on the chaise lounge and speaking towards the ceiling, almost as if he was in some kind of twisted psychiatrist’s office. Kali had wrapped herself in a fluffy bathrobe and made herself comfortable leaning against the headboard while Gabe sat at the foot of the bed and listened with rapt attention.

 

“Am I being crazy?” Cas slightly slurred.

 

“Nope. But I think that the ball is now in your court, kiddo.” Gabe answered. “You said he’s been calling you for days now. You need to sack up and go talk to him.”

 

“But what if he wants to tell me that since he knows my feelings towards him, he no longer wants to continue our friendship? That it would be too weird for him or something?” Cas asked quietly, getting to the root of his biggest fear.

 

Kali sat up. “I don’t see that happening. If it happened the way you say it did, then I honestly think that maybe he enjoyed it as much as you did. Did you ever think that maybe he’s wanting you come back so he can tell you he feels the same way?”

 

“But Dean isn’t….” Cas started to protest.

 

“Hold on there slugger.” Gabe interrupted. “Things aren’t so black and white like they used to be. Nowadays, there’s an entire sliding scale so everyone fits somewhere.” He swallowed the last of his drink and continued. “If you want my advice here it is: all those things that he was trying to teach you about picking up woman? I think that maybe, just maybe, he was also teaching you a thing or two about what he likes as well.”

 

“You really think that Gabe?” Kali asked.

 

“Sure, why not? Getting into a relationship is a real gamble these days, and you never know what you’re going to end up with. You can really be head over heels for someone but find out that behind closed doors they are a real dud between the sheets. If I was interested in someone, I’d want them to know what I’d like up front. It gets that entire fumbling awkwardness out of the way and makes for smoother sailing.”

 

Kali turned to Cas. “The nugget may have a point Clarence.”

 

Gabe turned to Kali and puckered up to blow her a kiss. “Love you too babe.”

 

“So what you’re saying is,” Cas said slowly, “is that I should take his lessons of seduction and turn them around on him.”

 

Gabriel pointed a finger at him and pretended to shoot him with a gun. “Bingo!”

 

Cas stood up, albeit a little shaky on his feet. He waiting a moment to get his bearings before squaring his shoulders. “You’re right. Dean is my best friend but he needs to know that he means more to me than that! He’s always been mine and I’m going to prove it to him! I’m going to do it!”

 

Gabe stands up too and slings an arm around Cas’s shoulders. “Atta boy! Go show loverboy you mean business, and don’t stop until you hear him screaming your name!”

 

Cas turned to Kali, confused. “Does he want me to hurt him?” he asked.

 

Kali chuckled as she slid effortlessly off the bed and walked towards the two men. She removed Gabriel’s arm then proceeded to fix Cas’s collar and straighten his tie. “I think what he means is, go tell him that he’s yours and don’t give him a chance to say no. If I’m right, what you think you lack in experience he will more than make up for.” Finished with his clothing, she pressed a light kiss on his cheek. “Go get him Clarence!”

 

Cas handed Kali his empty glass and thanked them both for their help before quickly stumbling out the door. Gabe hugged Kali to him. “You think he’s really gonna do it?” he asked.

 

Kali snorted. “With all the alcohol we poured down his throat, I’m pretty sure he’s going to go make an ass out of himself.”

 

“Hey! A little liquid courage never hurt anyone!” Gabe protested.

 

“I hope you’re right.” she said softly. She quietly gathered up their empty glasses and set them on the tray so she could return them to the bartender to be cleaned. She continued her night as usual, but in her spare moments she kept thinking about the kind man with the blue eyes. She really hoped he got what he wanted. Everyone deserved to be loved, and for some reason she had the feeling that he deserved it more than most.  

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean being left alone to overthink things isn't always a good thing. Who are we kidding, it's NEVER a good thing! Sometimes it gets him into a situation that seemed like a good idea at the time.....but could have consequences. Will he finally understand the mess that's going on inside Castiel's mind, or will his own insecurities keep him from seeing what waiting in front of him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys I'm sooooo sorry that it took me so long to update! I've been steadily outlining chapters when I can but finding the time to actually sit down and fill them out is getting to be a challenge. But I'm not giving up on you guys I swear! This chapter really took a toll on me. I'm used to averaging around 3k-4k words per chapter, and somehow this grew to 7k or so. It just kept flowing so I just kept writing! Maybe it'll make up for the fact that I can't update as regularly as I would like to...*looks sheepish*
> 
> In all seriousness, I'm completely stunned and overwhelmed by the comments and support I've gotten from you guys. I don't view myself as a good writer, mainly because I have such a hard time getting whatever is in my head written down in a way that will help you understand what I'm seeing in my imagination. Every time my email lights up with a kudos or a comment, it literally just makes my day so much better, no matter how shitty it had been going. It's honestly what keeps me going sometimes, knowing that someone enjoys the insanity that rattles around inside my funny little head. 
> 
> Again, THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT and I look forward to hearing from everyone again! 
> 
> xx Penguin

Two Days.

 

TWO. WHOLE. DAYS.

 

He had begged. He had joked. He had pleaded and bribed. He had apologized in every way he knew how, but for some reason Cas was still maintaining complete radio silence. Eventually Dean accepted the fact that Castiel would have to return on his own terms and in his own time. But his acceptance didn’t come easily.

 

He had spent that first night replaying everything that happened in his mind, over and over. He tried to analyze every word spoken, every tilt of Cas’s head, every smile between them. At first he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Just him and Cas interacting they way they usually do, although under slightly different circumstances. He knew that Castiel loved learning the little nuances of humanity. He practically soaked up every explanation like a sponge, and when he got a few things wrong (which was quite often) Dean would correct him while laughing in a way that Cas already knew wasn’t meant in a negative way. It was just the way things were between them. He hadn’t thought for one second that Castiel would have freaked out the way he did.

 

Boy, had he been wrong.

 

After an hour or so of trying to reach Cas, Dean decided that going out that night wasn’t happening. He returned to his room to change out of his nicer clothes, opting for a pair well-worn pajama pants and a faded t-shirt with a burning zeppelin on the front. He shuffled into the kitchen looking for something to eat, although he really wasn’t in the mood to cook just for himself. If Cas had been there, he probably would have strutted around the kitchen acting like some kinda fancy-schmancy chef, even talking in a completely ridiculous (and probably) butchered French accent, just to make Cas laugh at his antics. They would smile and laugh at each other, just enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes Cas asked if he could help and depending on what Dean was working on, he would let him. Although after the time Dean let him try flipping pancakes, he swore to himself that he would have to pay better attention anytime Cas was in the vicinity of the stove top.

 

Cas had actually managed to flip the pancake beautifully, but his excitement from his success caused him to accidently hit the handle on the pan pretty hard. The heated pan had gone flying straight into Cas’s chest before landing on the floor with a loud  _ clang _ . The pancake, being freshed flipped and still gooey on the top, had managed to completely adhere to Cas before slooooowly sliding down and leaving a trail of batter behind. Dean had stood in shock, still taking in the ridiculous scene before him. Before he could manage to say a word, Castiel had beat him to it with the completely deadpan expression he used so often.

 

“Oops.”

 

Dean lost it. He had an arm wrapped around his middle because his stomach hurt from laughing. Just as he was starting to get himself under control he watched as Cas reached down to pick up the pan from the floor. While he was bent over the pancake decided to let go and landed on the floor with a wet  _ plop _ that set Dean off all over again. Dean had to slide to the floor because he could no longer hold himself up. 

 

Castiel couldn’t help but smile too, the corners of his mouth turning upwards slowly. Seeing Dean so happy was worth the embarrassment. After placing the pan in the sink he tried using the spatula that was still in his hand to pick up the defunct pancake but since it was only half cooked he wasn’t having much success. 

 

“If you wanted to have a food fight Cas all you had to do was ask.” Dean said in between his giggles. His eyes widened slightly as he watched Cas turn towards him, the spatula in his hand holding half a dripping and gooey mess. “You wouldn’t dare…” he challenged. 

 

Cas tilted his head and grinned. “Wouldn’t I?” 

 

Dean quickly got to his feet. “Don’t start something you can’t win Cas.”

 

They had stared at each other, each sizing up the other. With a quick flick of his wrist, Cas had used the spatula to fling it’s contents in Dean’s direction but the soupy mess wasn’t exactly aerodynamic. It flung itself wide towards the right and towards the footsteps that neither of them had heard approaching. 

 

“Hey guys, what’s….UMPH!” Sam had come around the corner just in time to get batter slung into his face and hair. He stood there, not knowing what he had just walked into. “Castiel? What the hell?” he yelled. 

 

Cas just shrugged. “Oops.” Dean’s howls of laughter drowned out the sounds of Sam stomping off while muttering something about being stuck living with a bunch of kids who refused to grow up.  

 

Dean now stood in the kitchen, the memory washing over him and still hearing the echos of their laughter. Suddenly he wasn’t hungry anymore. He just reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of beers before going back into his room. He set them on his bedside table before reaching for his laptop. If Castiel wasn’t going to come back tonight, he’d just find something to watch to keep his mind occupied and hopefully not worry too much about it. He propped himself up against his headboard and started searching through his recommendations.  

 

He was an hour into watching something called Quantico when he realizes that he has absolutely no idea what’s going on. His mind had kept wandering. If Cas wasn’t ready to come home just yet, he can understand that, but at least he could have to decency to let him know that he was at least ok and not in some kind of trouble. His worry was now becoming annoyance. Closing the laptop with a snap and pushing it aside, he sat up on the edge of his bed. Closing his eyes, he looked upwards and started to speak.

 

“Cas, I know you can hear me. Look man, I get that you need your space right now. I just wish that I knew why. Whatever. Take whatever time you need to. I just wish you would let me know you’re ok. Can you do that for me, at least?” Silence. “It’s not that hard Cas. Find a phone and call me or send me a text or something, if you don’t want to speak to me.” Nothing. Dean’s patience was really starting to wear thin at this point. “Seriously? This is how you want to play this? Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to help this situation, whatever the hell this situation is because YOU WON’T TALK TO ME!” he finally roared. His indignation was growing at being ignored. “Fine Cas!” he spat. “You don’t want to talk? Have it your way.” He quickly stood up and threw the blanket back before hauling himself back in and yanking it almost violently over his head. It took him longer than expected to calm down enough to doze off, but even then his sleep was fitful at best. Every time he drifted off, his dreams were consumed by a pair of eyes the color of the summer sky quietly staring back at him.

 

He ended up sleeping into early the next afternoon. After waking up he lazily stretched with a yawn wide enough to crack his jaw. The floor felt icy on his bare feet as he stumbled his way to the bathroom. When he was finished, he ambled back into the library and looked around. He knew the probability of seeing Cas was slim at best, but he had still hoped. Castiel’s continued absence was both expected and infuriating. Dean finally decided to that he wasn’t going to allow Castiel to put a damper on the fun he had originally planned. He could still go out on his own and find himself a little fun, and that’s exactly what he planned to do.

 

He grabbed himself a quick sandwich and headed towards the Men of Letter’s garage. He knew that when he was dressed up he could turn heads and his Baby wasn’t any different. A thorough wash and a good wax would pretty much guarantee him some action tonight. After turning on an old radio that he kept on a worn workbench he got to work. He even decided to detail the inside for good measure. The last thing he wanted was to be in the backseat with some hot piece of ass and having the mood ruined by her seeing some random bloodstain somewhere. Nope. By the time he was finished the car’s paint was gleaming, the chrome was almost blinding, and the leather interior was soft to the touch.  

 

He took the numerous rags he had soiled while working on his car and threw them back in the old plastic bucket he was using, still half full of sudsy water. After dumping the water down an old sink and wringing the rags out to dry he switched off the still blaring radio and made his way back inside. Now that his Baby was cleaned up and ready to go, it was his turn.

 

He stood under the hot spray of the shower, feeling it the water sluice over him and relaxing some of the tension he still felt in his muscles. Grabbing a bar of soap, he lathered his hands generously before gliding them over his skin. He bit back a small sigh, loving the way the lather made every part of him feel soft and smooth. After washing his arms and his shoulders he moved lower. Dean closed his eyes and gasped as his fingertips grazed his nipples, causing them to bud. It had been way too long since anyone has touched him like this, and knowing that he was planning on finding someone tonight only increased his excitement, making him more sensitive. He kept his left hand still teasing his left nipple as he allowed his right hand to continue south. He spread the lather over his stomach and pelvis, slowly inching lower, feeling the first hints of his dick starting to twitch. He began to think back on the last one night stand he had: dark hair, eyes the color of whiskey, and breasts that threatened to suffocate him. He remembered thinking that if that happened, he would still die a happy man. 

 

The combination of the memory and him slowly teasing himself caused pleasure to start building down below. He finally allowed his right hand to grab his dick, stroking it slowly while using the rich lather to help him glide over it effortlessly. Dean’s thoughts continued to focus on what’s-her-name and he strengthened his grip. He imagined her lying on a bed, legs spread apart in invitation. His cock was now fully hard and began to leak precum from the tip, aiding his quest for release. In his mind, his hands were now moving all over her body and she was squirming and writhing with need. He moaned again, feeling little sparks that were dancing from his dick and traveled up his spine and back again. He picked up speed, tightening his grip slightly on the swollen glans that was now flushed a deep red, but it still wasn’t enough. He teetered right on the edge but still needing something that would give him that final push. 

 

Another memory popped into his head and it gave him an idea. Rhonda Hurley. When he was still a teenager he had gone on a few dates with the feisty blonde, hoping to at least get to 3rd base.Turns out, he had gotten more than he originally planned. They had been in the middle of a heated make-out session when she had asked something of him and he was so blinded by his hormones that he had agreed without thinking twice. He still had never told anyone about her making him try on her satin panties, and he would never admit that he had kinda liked it, but that night had gotten him thinking. If he had liked something as simple as panties, what  _ else _ would he enjoy? He had begun experimenting with a few things that he was curious enough to try, and always managed to do so when Sam was nowhere around. Turned out, he had a rather kinky side but only when he was alone. He still wasn’t ready to share his interests with anyone else. But it had been a while since he had the chance to revisit a few of his favorite things, so he took the opportunity now.

 

While his right hand was still working feverishly over his cock, his left hand was sliding down over his ass and reached towards his entrance, still lost in the imagery of a warm body spread out before him to claim. He gently massaged that tight pucker for a few moments before he slowly pushed a single finger into it, rubbing in small tight circles. He definitely couldn’t help the noises that were spilling from him now. The feeling was nearly too much for him but he didn’t stop. The pressure was building up inside him, ready to burst from every pore as he was still mentally climbing over that sensual body. As he reached a pair of soft pink lips that readily opened for him, he physically lowered himself slightly so that he could angle his assault better and was rewarded when he felt that tiny bundle of nerves under his fingertip. He firmly pressed into it just as his lips covered the ones in his fantasy. Instantly his orgasm washed over him, causing him to squeeze his dick with each pulse of cum that was ripped from him and coated the shower wall with thick white stripes. He imagined that his loud panting that echoed from the walls around him was the sound of the body still underneath him, but when his mind’s eye finally looked up at the face he froze. Those eyes were no longer the color of aged whiskey, but _ crystal blue,  _ and the smirk that accompanied them was all too familiar.

 

_ What the fuck??? _

 

He dropped his hand from his dick like it physically burned him and looked around in shock and confusion, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. There was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that he just had a fantasy that turned into Cas while jerking off in the shower! That bordered on insanity!

 

_ Is that really so crazy? _ That damn voice was back. He willed his heartbeat and breathing back to normal levels.

 

_ I don’t think of him that way! _

 

_ The mess on the wall says otherwise…… _

 

Nope. This wasn’t happening. He quickly rinsed away the evidence from the shower walls and after shutting off the now cold water, stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked over to the mirror covered in a layer of steam and cleared it with a wide swipe of his hand. Dean braced himself on the sink and just stared at his reflection, taking in the flush on his skin that he knew was more from his orgasm than the temperature of the water. 

 

Or maybe it was the slight panic vibrating within him…

 

He mentally shook his head and tried to “Winchester” his way out of the situation, which simply meant that instead of facing the heart of the issue he either made excuses or ignored the situation all together. Dean knew that he made this type of denial into an art form. 

 

“Get it together Dean. Cas is your best friend, and you’re close to him, but NOT that close!” he mumbled. “You’re just worried about him, that’s all, and he’s popping into your thoughts at the wrong times. That’s all it was. Nothing more serious than that.” Even to his own ears, his reasoning sounded pathetically weak.

 

_ You’re worried that you may have lost him...and maybe you have….. _

 

“ENOUGH!” he roared. He punched the mirror without thinking twice, watching his reflection on the smooth surface crack and splinter. The stinging sensations from the shattering glass were barely registering in his mind but he suddenly felt each one of those jagged edges in his very core, slicing him to pieces and he couldn’t breathe. He had to get out of the bunker NOW. He’d been cooped up too long and it was causing him a type of cabin fever that he couldn’t handle. He made his way back to his room, making the effort to get there without actually running and threw on the first set of clean clothes he could get his hands on. Reaching around the now empty beer bottles on his nightstand he grabbed his keys, wallet, and cellphone before stomping off towards the garage. He couldn’t help but grin when his Baby roared to life. Dean backed her carefully out of the garage, then slammed his foot on the pedal to gun it out of there as fast as possible. He hit the highway with music blaring as the wheels continued to eat more of the pavement at a rate of speed that wasn’t strictly necessary, but damn it felt good. No matter the situation, nothing beat the purr of that engine to drown out his thoughts and _ feelings _ . Feelings that he was in no mood to rationalize. He was on a mission.

 

Dean drove for about an hour, making sure to pass through a few small towns before looking around for a bar to catch his attention. He had always made it a point not to prowl around too close to home. Bobby had always told him ‘Don’t shit where you eat’ and it was a piece of advice that he always followed. The last thing he needed was to be getting groceries or running errands with his brother or Cas and come face to face with a one-nighter that hadn’t ended well. It was just better this way.

 

He drove until he reached a small town called Oberlin. While it didn’t seem like much, the main street that ran through the town had several neon signs in various places that glowed with invitation. He made a few blocks before he found a place that he thought was safe enough to park for a while. Once she was safely ensconced in a old parking garage, Dean made his way down the street and could hear different types of music floating in the night air. He passed one place with it’s doors wide open, allowing a pulsing bassline to spill into the street. He just shook his head at what some of the kids called music today and kept walking. Dean happened to look across the street and saw another bar that looked kinda mellow and more his style. He quickly crossed and approached the worn door, hearing a faint guitar strumming out a blues-style rhythm. As soon as he reached out to open the door, it came swinging outward and almost knocked him in head. He was immediately grateful his reflexes here honed to near perfection because he not only had only a split second to jump back to avoid being beaned senseless, he also managed to catch a young woman who was stumbling out in the process. 

 

“Whoa!” he said, suddenly finding his arms full of a flustered looking redhead. “Are you alright?”

 

In the process of trying to catch herself, the woman had managed to wrap her arms around Dean and clung to him. She looked up at him with wide eyes that showcased her embarrassment. 

 

“Wow, I’m so sorry!” she said. “I didn’t mean to…”

 

He immediately flashed his panty-dropping smile. “Hey, it’s ok. We’ve all had one too many from time to time.” If he’d know it was going to be this easy he wouldn’t have waited this long for a night out. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

 

“Yeah, I think I’m fine. I’m just completely mortified, is all.”

 

“Hey it happens. Nothing to worry about.” he reassured her.

 

“It’s not that,” she said, “although my friends have a habit of telling me that I’m as graceful as a newborn giraffe sometimes.” 

 

“So what else can it be, if you don’t mind me asking?”

 

She heaved a sigh. “I was fixed up on a blind date that I honestly wasn’t thrilled on in the first place. Apparently he thought the same way because he never even bothered to show up. I was just leaving when the heel of my shoe must have got caught on something. I’m just glad I didn’t fall on my face and make me feel worse than I already do.” she grumbled. 

 

Dean saw the opportunity and took it. “Well, I for one, am glad he never showed up.” She narrowed pretty brown eyes in confusion. “It saved me the trouble of seeing you from across the bar and having to find a way to get you away from him.” 

 

Her confusion melted away and was replaced by a soft blush and shy smile. “Well when you say it like that, to hell with him.” she said. 

 

“That’s the spirit. Now, how about I buy you a drink and you can tell me about all the wonderful things that douchebag missed out on.” Dean said with a wink.

 

“Sounds good.” she replied, although never moving. They just stared at each other for a long moment, not wanting to break the delicate spell around them. Finally Dean spoke up.

 

“Do you need me to carry you?” he asked with a chuckle.

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

Dean just looked down and gestured to the fact that she was still clinging tightly to him. “No reason.” he grinned. When she realized the position she was still in, she let go and jumped back. “OH!” she gasped. “I’m sorry, I…”

 

“Hey, I’m not complaining! But let’s have that drink first and talk for a bit. Then later on, I’ll let you cling to me all you want.” 

 

She threw him a skeptical look. “You’re mighty sure of yourself. What makes you think that you’ve got what I’m looking for in a man?”

 

Dean dropped his gaze from her eyes to her pretty bow-shaped lips. He slowly moved closer and whispered, “Because if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t let me do this…” He lightly pressed his lips to hers, hearing her soft intake of breath. It only lasted for a heartbeat or two, but he knew the impression would stick with her for the rest of the night. He stepped back and took in the flush on her face. “I’m Dean, by the way.”

 

“Jada.” she replied breathlessly. 

 

“Nice to meet you Jada.” He reached over and held the door open for her. “Lead the way.” 

 

He followed her into the bar, taking in the ambiance as she led him to a small table near a raised stage in the corner. An older man was sitting alone with an Gibson hollow-body, playing a tune that would make B.B. King proud. Dean pulled out her chair for her, enjoying her smile at his chivalry. “So what’cha drinkin’?” he asked as she sat down.

 

“Beer is fine. Whatever is on tap.”

 

He lightly touched his fingertip to the tip of her nose. “My kind of girl.” he grinned.

 

He returned to the table a few minutes later with two frosted glasses of beer and sat one in front her before taking a seat next to her. They chatted for awhile and took turns returning to the bar for refills, the alcohol allowing them to loosen up and become more flirtatious as the night went on. He learned that she still in college and wanted to become a Kindergarten teacher, she had one older sister was a Veterinarian, and that her parents were retired and on trip around the world that they had been planning for the last 20 years. Dean told her about Sam and his time at Stanford, but he blurred the truth on everything else. He told her that he mechanic by day and restored classic cars in his free time for special clients. She did her best to look suitably impressed but Dean knew better. If things went the way he planning, she wouldn’t be around long enough for it to matter anyway.

 

He had asked her to dance and she accepted. They joined a few other couples swaying gently in front of the stage and enjoyed holding onto each other and letting the music wash over them. Jada had leaned into him and laid her head gently on his shoulder and Dean couldn’t help but think that he was all but guaranteed to get laid tonight. He was more than ready to get the show on the road. 

 

Leaning down so he could be heard over the music he asked, “What do you say to us getting out of here and finding somewhere more quiet?” She looked at him with a hunger in her eyes that was unmistakable. 

 

_ Got her… _

 

Before he could lead her out of the door she excused herself to the ladies room. He kissed her just under her earlobe to assure that she wouldn’t take too long and told her that he would be waiting outside. She smiled before turning and walking to the other side of the bar where the His and Hers restrooms were clearly marked. 

 

Dean walked outside and took in a lungful of the cool air, trying to calm his excitement. As he stood there waiting for Jada, he watched a few people come and go from the bar across the street. He couldn’t help but wonder to himself if they were all in there doing the same thing he was doing: looking for company for the night. Whatever. All he knew is that he was getting what he wanted...what he  _ needed _ ...and he couldn’t find it in himself to give a damn about anyone else.

 

No sooner than those words crossed his mind, a flash of tan immediately caught his attention. He stopped and stared hard into the small crowd, trying to see what exactly had caught his eye. After a moment he saw a young man walk down the street wearing a tan trenchcoat. He had to blink several times before he realized that it wasn’t coat he was so familiar with, but definitely similar enough to remind him of someone.

 

Cas.

 

He had managed to put Castiel from his mind for the last few hours but now suddenly all his worry and indignation started to come back to him. Dean growled to himself in frustration. If he didn’t put a lid on it as soon as possible, he would ruin his chances with Jada and he definitely wasn’t allowing that to happen. But no matter what he did, thoughts of Cas came flooding back with a vengeance.

 

What the hell was Cas’s problem anyway? He knew that he had his moods, everyone did. He’s seen him stubborn and even churlish, but this was something different. He may not be as smart as Sam but he knew when someone was hiding something. 

 

He gave a little chuckle when he thought about how Castiel had tried to mimic him when he didn’t want to talk about something, usually telling him that ‘It was not of import.’ Cas may not have gotten an understanding of human emotions but he had learned enough not to be at a complete disadvantage in social situations. It didn’t take a degree in psychology to know when someone was hiding behind a well-placed facade. Between the stories he’s heard from other Angels and just spending time with him, he had started to slowly piece together what he thought made Cas tick. It’s not like Castiel didn’t have his own demons to fight, and he didn’t mean that in a literal sense. They all did, Dean more than most, but he had tried to be there for Cas as best he could.

 

Dean began to pace a bit and tried not to stumble. Perhaps he’s had more to drink than he thought. Now that he thought about it, Cas had become a little more clingy lately. He probably hadn’t noticed at first because he had gotten used to Cas being in his ‘personal space’ for so long that it was normal for him. Hell, there were even times that he enjoyed being close to Cas. That thought gave him pause, but he tried to brush it off. He just couldn’t shake that gut feeling that he was hiding something. Perhaps Castiel had overheard something on Angel Radio, and he was taking care of a situation. If that was true, why wouldn’t he tell him or Sam? He knew that they would want to help, unless it was something  _ really _ bad and he thought he was doing the right thing by protecting them. He would hate to think that Cas would actually hide something serious from him, but he was entitled to privacy like everyone else. Still, it would explain a lot. The more he thought about it, the more it worried him. 

 

Forgetting about Jada, he crossed the street and started walking back to his car. The more he thought, the slower his steps became. Dean decided to try and take Sam’s advice and think about this rationally before he got himself into a full-blown panic. Sam had always told him that because he had a habit of repressing his emotions he had a tendency to overthink things. Maybe the Samsquatch was right. Through the years he had learned to bottle things up until they completely festered, causing nightmares and even the occasional panic attack. He suddenly stopped walking, causing a few people in the crowd who were walking behind him to bump into him and give him dirty looks. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember the last time he had a nightmare. It had to have been a few months at least, panic attacks even longer still. Then it quickly hit him like a ton of bricks. 

 

He hadn’t had any of those issues since Castiel became a regular fixture at the bunker. 

 

With a dazed look on his face he got into Baby and just sat there, looking out the window but seeing nothing. He was still reeling from his realization. He knew that he and Castiel had become very close since they did more than work together. Hell, Cas became the best friend he’d ever had. But maybe....just maybe….their friendship didn’t end there. Cas had become extremely important to him. He worried about his feathery ass constantly. He always wanted to make sure that he was safe and was willing to kill anything that threatened him without a second’s hesitation. That’s what friends did, wasn’t it?

 

But no, it was more than that. He had other friends too, but he didn’t worry about them as much as he did Cas. Dean didn’t care if Donna had pulled an all-nighter, or wonder if Jodi had eaten something better than stale doughnuts and weak coffee. He CARED about Cas’s well-being, perhaps more than a normal friend would. It was almost as if…

 

His train of thought was interrupted by a tapping on his window. Startled he looked up and saw Jada standing there. He tried to smile, feeling a little sheepish about forgetting about her. He motioned for her to step back so he could open the door. He got out and after slamming it behind him turned to face her.

 

“How did you know where to find me?” he asked. 

 

She thumbed towards his car. “You talked so much about classic cars earlier, and there definitely isn’t anything like that around here. Call it process of elimination.” 

 

He couldn’t help but smile at her snark. “Yeah, my Baby does stand out.” he said with pride. Before he could say anything else, Jada had pushed him until he was against the car before pressing herself flush against him. It was instinct to place his hands on her hips and hold her in place, not even realizing what he was doing. Before he could blink she reached up and grabbed him by the nape of the neck and pulled him down to crash his lips against hers. His reaction was pure reflex. He teased her with the tip of his tongue until she opened up for him, allowing him to lick inside and taste the alcohol that was still on her breath. She clung tightly to him and allowed him to completely explore her mouth but giving back to him as well as she was getting from him. She rubbed herself against his crotch, moaning as she felt the beginnings of his arousal taking shape. Suddenly she broke the kiss, allowing them both to catch their breath. 

 

“My place is just right up the road. Why don’t I get in and let you...take me for a ride?” she panted, letting the innuendo hang between them. 

 

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. Why couldn’t she have found him ten minutes sooner? He would have been all over her before she even realized what was happening. But now...he just couldn’t. He wasn’t completely sure why, but now it just felt wrong. He gently removed her arms from around him and stepped to the side, putting some distance between them. 

 

“Jada…” he started, not knowing what to say to let her down gently. He swallowed and tried again. “You’re a beautiful woman, and that kiss was amazing, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.” He hated seeing the look of hurt and confusion that covered her face.

 

“Was is something I did?” she asked quietly.

 

“No! No, believe me, you did everything right. I just….” he wasn’t sure how to put it in a way she would understand. He decided to circumvent the truth as best as he could. “Listen you have a lot going for you, you really do. You’re gorgeous, you have a great sense of humor, and you drink beer instead of drinking those frou-frou girlie drinks. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

 

“But not you apparently.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’ve recently realized that I’m not as smart as I like to think I am.”

 

“And how recently was this epiphany of yours?”

 

“About ten minutes ago?”

 

To his relief she only smiled. “It’s ok Dean. I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, but perhaps you’re right. Maybe tonight would have been a mistake that I would regret in the morning. Either way, I still want to thank you.”

 

Dean was stunned. “For what?”

 

“I was having a shitty night, and I was on my way home to feel sorry for myself. But you came along and helped me realize that just because something doesn’t work out the way you imagined it would, doesn’t mean that something better won’t come along. Plus I had a really great time with you, so thank you.”

 

Dean easily smiled back at her. “I’m glad I could help.” He gave her a gently kiss on the forehead. “Take care of yourself Jada.”

 

“You too Dean.”

 

She turned and walked back down the narrow street, easily becoming swallowed up in the crowd. Dean just turned and got back into his car. He started the engine then looked both ways before smoothly pulling out and heading back home. 

 

As he drove he kept the music low so he could continue to think. How could he have been so blind? Why couldn’t he have seen the truth staring him right in the face? Because he was Dean freakin’ Winchester, the most stubborn man on the planet and he never noticed anything until it literally hit him upside his thick skull. He felt like a total idiot. All those countless one-night stands, honing his skills to pick up countless faceless women. None of it had mattered. He still came home every morning feeling as empty as he did when he left. They were just a distraction and could never give him what he never really had.  

 

Love, and someone he could come home too. Jada’s words came floating back to him. ‘ _ Just because something doesn't work out the way you imagined it would, doesn't mean something better won't come along…’ _

 

Castiel swirled in his mind once again and he thought about all the ways he had described him in the past. His colleague, His Angel, and he was damn proud to call him his friend. Once spoken in his mind, that tiny word seemed to sparkle like a diamond and light the darkest places of his tainted soul.

 

HIS.

 

Dammit, Castiel was HIS! There was no denying it any longer. It didn’t matter what they were doing: clearing out a vamp nest, chasing a windigo through the woods, or simply taking time to relax at home while watching crappy movies on Netflix while eating copious amounts of junk food. There was no one he’d rather spend his free time with, no one he’d rather laugh or argue with. Because even if Cas didn’t realize it, he had made that cold bunker feel more like home just by being there. 

 

He pushed the gas pedal to the floor, pushing Baby for all she was worth as he raced back home. He hoped that he wouldn’t end up passing some highway cop looking for make his quota for the month, because there was no way in hell he was stopping now. 

 

Dean made the hour’s drive back home in just under thirty minutes. Baby squealed in protest as he slammed on the brakes, almost forgetting to put her in park before jumping out. He ran to the door inside the garage, fumbling with his keys and dropping them in his haste. “Dammit!” He finally managed to push the door open and slammed it closed behind him. Once inside he stopped momentarily to catch his breath and listened for any signs that Cas had come back.

 

Silence.

 

He made his way towards the library not even bothering to turn any of the lights on. Everything was exactly as he left it. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He walked towards his room to change his clothes when it suddenly hit him: he had no idea what he was going to say to Cas when he did see him. Dean decided it didn’t matter. He had a G.E.D. and a give ‘em hell attitude. He’d figure it out, one way or another. 

 

He turned down the darkened hallway that led to his room, passing several hallways along the way. He was so deep in his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice the silent figure hiding in the shadows.

 

Almost. 

 

He immediately stopped and pressed himself against the wall. He kept his breathing quiet and even as he slowly reached around and carefully removed his pistol from the back of his jeans. It was just his luck, really. Both Sam and Cas were M.I.A. and now he had to face whatever it was that decided lurking in his sanctuary was a good idea. Alone. Fuck it. If he was going to go down, he wasn’t going without a fight. 

 

He slowly turned the corner, straining his eyes to see through the dark more clearly, wondering if the alcohol that was still buzzing in his system was playing tricks on his over-emotional mind. He hoped that’s all it was. He’d even let Sammy laugh at him for jumping at shadows. But in their line of work, it was always better to be safe than sorry. 

 

He straightened himself to his full height and squared his shoulders, letting whatever creature that was hiding know that he meant business. He thought he saw something moving towards him so he immediately drew the gun upwards.

 

“I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but I gotta tell you buddy, you drew the short straw on this one. Sending you after a Winchester in his own home is nothing short of a suicide mission.”

 

There was no response from the shadows, except for the sound of footsteps slowly coming closer. Dean cocked his pistol, the sound of the hammer clicking into place unusually loud in the darkness. “Last chance, asshat!” he said. The footsteps abruptly stopped. Then he heard a sound he had longed to hear for two solid days.

 

“Hello Dean.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is back!! That's all I'm going to say for now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the posting delay! Life has been giving me the middle finger a lot lately so I haven't had the time or energy to really work on chapters like I used to. 
> 
> I've had some amazing artwork gifted to me for this fic by the amazing Ember Rain. Show her some love guys!

 

 

 

Dean's fingers started shaking and it was all he could do not to drop the gun still pointed into the darkness. 

 

“ _ Cas?!” _

 

The smirk was evident in the reply he heard drifting from the shadows. “Were you expecting someone else? I could always come back…”

 

“NO!” Dean all but screamed. “I mean, shit.” He started feeling a little light-headed from a combination of the alcohol still pumping through him, the sudden adrenaline rush, and the overwhelming  _ relief  _ that Castiel had finally returned.  _ He's really here...he came back… _

 

Everything he wanted to say suddenly slammed around his brain at one time, fighting to be the first words out of his mouth. In the end, he just stood there gaping like a fish out of water, drinking in Castiel’s appearance with each step Cas took towards him and into the light.

 

He looked relatively unharmed, for the most part. His trench coat was a little dirty but it had survived worse. His hair had always been a lost cause for any semblance of order but now it looked like Cas had constantly run his hands through it in total frustration, causing a stab of guilt to slice through Dean. He wanted so badly to open his mouth to say something,  _ anything _ , but the words remained stuck in his throat. He glanced into those blue eyes that he had missed, hoping to see something to ease the tension winding around him. Instead he saw something that caused his heartbeat to stutter and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

 

The light summer blue had been transformed into a dark and stormy gray. Castiel’s eyes didn’t just look at him, they bore into his very soul and blazed with ferocity. Dean couldn’t help but take a step back, his instincts getting him into fight or flight mode once again. But that was ridiculous right? This was Cas. He had no reason to fear him...did he?

 

His body decided to make the decision for him and took another step back as Dean watched him slowly come closer, each footstep echoing in the air like a metronome counting down to his destruction. When his back suddenly hit the cool wall behind him he realized that he may be in over his head. He desperately needed another drink. He just has to get to the library. One step at a time. 

 

“Hiya Cas.” he said, trying his best to keep his voice calm and level. “It’s good to see you buddy How about we have a drink and we can talk, ok?” The smile that slowly spread over Castiel’s face was nothing short of predatory and Dean couldn’t help but gulp. The hunter has suddenly become the hunted. 

 

He quickly side-stepped just as Castiel reached him, trying his best not to  _ run _ towards the library and the more open spaces that Dean thought would help him manage his composure. Thoughts of Cas had run rampant through his mind the last few days, and now having him here was causing his most basic functions to short-circuit. 

 

_ Calm down Winchester...it’s only Cas...why are you so scared...you wanted him back and he’s here...talk to him you coward... _

 

He immediately made a beeline towards the liquor cart, abandoned since that night they had held onto each other and swayed with music invading their souls. Instead of reaching for one of the used tumblers, he grabbed the bottle by the neck and lifted the entire thing to his mouth, having every intention of swallowing as much as he could in one go. Just as the mouth of the bottle was brushing his lips, the heavy aroma of whiskey invading his senses, the voice from behind him had him completely freezing. 

 

“Dean... _ stop _ .”

 

Slowly the bottle was lowered and returned to the cart with a dull clank of glass on wood. He never took his hand off the bottle, feeling the coolness under his skin as a way of trying to ground his swirling thoughts. 

 

“Turn around.” The demand was soft, but brooked no room for argument.

 

Dean managed to pry his fingers away from the bottle and turned around slowly, buying as much time as he could. When he had finally managed to face Angel behind him, he couldn’t  help but jump slightly when he saw just how close he was. The storm brewing in those eyes were more dangerous than he could have imagined. He needed more time dammit! He knew he had to own up to feelings that had resurfaced time and again, but this isn’t how he wanted to do it. He felt corner, trapped, and he needed a way to regain his footing before he said something and ruined everything before they even had a chance to begin. 

 

“Cas, we’ve talked about this...personal space…” he managed to croak.  _ Just a few steps back man...give me a chance to think...to say what I want to say without fucking it up before I even begin… _

 

The smirk on Castiel’s face changed from teasing to almost unholy. Cas stared at him like  he wanted to devour him whole, but he managed to take a step backwards, if only to allow Dean the illusion of taking control of the situation. It was his turn now, to turn Dean upside down and inside out, just as Dean did to him. Oh, but he was going to enjoy this….

 

“My apologies Dean.” he said without the slightest sincerity. He took another step backwards and saw the way Dean seemed to instantly calm down. “I didn’t want to make you...uncomfortable.”

 

Dean’s chuckle was anything but comfortable. “It’s alright man. You just caught me off guard.” The lie slipped through his lips effortlessly. “I’m just glad to see you. Are you alright?”

 

“I’ve never felt better.”

 

“Well that’s a good thing, I guess. Where’d you disappear to anyway? I’ve been calling you back for days. You had me worried.”

 

“Did I now?”

 

Dean could only nod in response. Something was definitely different about Castiel. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was enough to make his body want to respond in ways that he couldn’t anticipate. He was used to being in control in every situation, but that was something he definitely didn’t have here.  _ He’s still too close...I can’t think… _

 

“Y..Yeah man. I didn’t want anything to happen to uh, to you.” he stammered lamely.

 

Castiel’s smile sent a chill down Dean’s spine. “Something did happen Dean.” He leaned forwards just enough to make sure he had Dean’s full attention, then slowly darted the tip of his tongue to wet his lips. Dean’s reaction was immediate, and Cas carefully schooled his face to remain serious in the face of Dean’s eyes almost bulging out of his head. “I’ve had the time to think about a few pressing matters and I’ve come to a decision on something very important.”

 

“Care to share with the rest of the class Cas?”

 

“I realized that things cannot continue the way they have. It’s...not right.”

 

_ Oh no… _

 

Dean’s subconscious instantly deflated along with his lungs, those words punching the air out of them.  _ He’s really leaving...I’ve ruined everything…SAY SOMETHING! _

 

“Cas…” he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Look, man...I can explain...let’s just talk for a minute ok?”

 

Castiel could see the panic settling in Dean’s eyes. His first thought was to soothe him and just tell him how he felt and move on. But something else had been awoken in him, something that longed to play with the man in front of him, to make him squirm, to feel the  _ longing _ that had plagued Cas for so long.

 

Showtime!

 

He reached out and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, almost feeling bad at the flinch Dean tried to hide. But his nervousness tinged with giddiness kept him going. He turned Dean around to face a chair sitting near the table and gently pushed him towards it. “Perhaps you should sit down.” he said solemnly. He gently pushed until he felt Dean’s feet start to slowly move in the right direction. 

 

Dean nodded, no longer trusting his voice but looking like a kicked puppy. He shuffled slowly, feeling the heat of Cas’s hand seeping into him, guiding him where he wanted him to go. He couldn’t help but feel that with each step he took was bringing him closer to the edge of a cliff and he was just waiting for Castiel to push him off. He eyed the chair he was being directed to, wanting nothing more to hurl it against the wall then take Castiel into his arms and sob an apology until he couldn't breathe. But his pride and hunter instincts wouldn't let him. He needed to know just what was happening before he responded. This wasn't some monster threatening to rip his heart out. It was his Angel, although the threat remained the same and promised to be more painful. 

 

As he was about to turn around and sit, the hand in his shoulder squeezed gently, causing him to pause. Before he could formulate a question he could feel Castiel sliding up behind him, almost molding himself to Dean's back although keeping just enough distance to keep them from physically touching. It was enough to cause his already increasing anxiety to skyrocket and the tiny hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He also started to feel the blood rushing straight to his groin, making him feel slightly lightheaded.  _ What is he doing? _

 

As if he could read Dean’s mind, Cas brought his mouth closer to the shell of his ear. Dean could almost hear the near whisper of Cas licking his lips again and he had to fight the shudder that threatened to overwhelm him. Instead, it was the sound of the voice that dropped an octave and had him almost biting his tongue in half to keep the shameless moan from escaping. 

 

“You have something I need, Dean. Give it to me.” 

 

Without waiting for a response Castiel slowly eased his left hand around Dean’s hips before gently sliding it into Dean’s pocket. He felt the Dean stiffen in shock so he decided to linger just a bit more. His hand had instantly found what it was looking for but ignored it in favor moving in just a tad bit farther. He pushed forward, letting his fingers explore the body heat radiating off the firm thigh that was only separated from him by well-worn denim. Another inch to the right should be enough to….

 

The haze clouding Dean’s mind broke just enough for it to register exploring fingertips just barely brushing against his cock. He yelped in surprise and spun around, hoping that Cas wouldn’t notice the full erection that was now making his jeans feel impossibly tight. Those stormy blue eyes were literally inches away from his own and he couldn’t help but glance down at the slightly chapped lips that seemed to glisten from being licked only moments before. 

 

“What the hell was that Cas?” he couldn’t help but croak.

 

Without taking his eyes off Dean he held up the phone he had quickly snatched from the pocket during Dean’s spin and held it up for him to see. “I was looking for your phone.” he replied innocently.

 

“Yeah, well  _ that wasn’t it! _ ” he retorted, words literally dripping with sarcasm.

 

Castiel just tilted his head in a way that made it look like he had absolutely no idea what he just did. “My apologies.” 

 

Dean eyed Castiel suspiciously, knowing he didn’t look one bit sorry. “I thought you wanted us to talk.” he asked. “What do you need my phone for?” 

 

“It’s part of the reason I said we can’t continue this way. As it turns out, I have an...ailment. I was hoping perhaps you had something in here that could help me.”

 

Dean’s felt a shot of worry slice through him. “What are you talking about?” he demanded. “What the hell happened while you were off to God knows where?!” He cock decided to relax a bit as his mind began to conjure up all sorts of trouble that Cas could have gotten into. “Look, I can call Sammy. He can be home in a day or two and I’m sure he can find whatever you need to fix..” he babbled. 

 

All the scenarios racing through his mind abruptly came to a halt when he felt Cas literally push him backwards. He staggered a step or two before landing in the chair with an _ oof!  _ “What the hell Cas?” he demanded.

 

“If you would shut up for two seconds I could tell you I found what I was looking for.” 

 

“In my phone?”

 

“Not exactly. But it is something in your possession.”

 

Castiel then turned his attention to the device in his hand, tapping a few times while Dean looked at him in complete confusion. Once he seemed to find what he was looking for, he threw a sly smile towards Dean before taking a few steps back and placing the phone on the table just out of his reach. While he waited for the phone’s connection to secure itself he caught Dean’s gaze. “Shall I tell you about my...symptoms?” he asked. Without waiting for a reply he continued. “First, I start to feel very warm.”

 

“Maybe you should try getting rid of that hideous coat you’re always wearing.” Dean remarked to himself, not realizing that Cas heard every word.

 

“That’s actually a good idea.” he replied. He started to slide it off his shoulders, although he did so a lot slower than necessary. His suit jacket followed the trench as they were both thrown over the table. “That feels better actually, but I’m still feeling a little  _ heated _ . Maybe I should remove more? What do you think?”

 

Before he could manage a response, music began to play from his phone that Cas left on the table. A loud guitar riff followed by pounding drums filled up the silence. Dean instantly knew the song within the first 3 seconds. It was his ultimate go-to music when he was feeling frisky. And it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the title of the song. Nuh uh. NOPE! (Although it was a major bonus.)

 

Dean gaped.  _ What is he doing? Has he completely lost his mind? If I didn’t know better I’d think he was trying to… _

 

Before the word ‘seduce’ could be spoken in his mind, he caught the tiny smile that Cas was obviously fighting. Little Dean immediately decided that it was safe to come out and play once again. He used all the willpower he could summon to shout a mental  _ NOT NOW _ to his cock that was once again showing interest when it should be minding its own business. However his eyes never left the scene before him. He couldn’t tear them away if his life depended on it, and judging by the way his heart was slamming against his rib cage that may very will be the case.

 

“M..more?” he stammered. He tried to swallow but couldn’t quite manage it completely. He could see the liquor cart in his peripheral vision and his fingers literally itched for a drink. “S..sure Cas. Make yourself comfortable.”

 

Castiel’s grin widened at Dean’s words. “I plan on it.” he said. Just then, the singer’s voice belted one of the most well known songs ever played in a strip club.

 

**_She’s my Cherry Pie_ **

**_Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise_ **

**_Tastes so good, make a grown man cry_ **

**_Sweet Cherry Pie, oh yeah!_ **

 

Dean’s gaze was locked on Castiel’s hands. He watched them as they were raised up and begin to work on the knot of the tie that was always hanging haphazardly around his neck. It only took a few moments for the knot to fall free, leaving both ends hanging loosely across Cas’s chest. Castiel grabbed one end and with a quick flick of his wrist sent the thin piece of blue fabric sailing across the distance and hit Dean in the middle of his face. Dean’s jaw dropped as he managed to catch it easily on reflex. He quickly glanced down and the tie and his hand and couldn’t help but see his own hands shaking.  _ Get it together Winchester….. _

 

Apparently his subconscious was on board with everything that was happening. He could hear it rooting for more, and he could mentally see the giant ‘two thumbs up’ in the back of his head. Well then. 

 

He happened to look up at the exact time that Cas had taken a step forward. That’s when he noticed that each step also resulted in a single button being released from his confinement. Dean’s brain was now all but useless. As much as he desperately wanted to figure out what was going on, he was no longer in the right capacity to do so. Besides, his eyes were too busy drinking in the sight of tanned and taut muscle being revealed to him inch by inch. He felt a tickle on his chin and wiped it absentmindedly, surprised to feel his fingers come away slightly damp. Was he... _ drooling??  _ DAMMIT!

 

He heard a growl from above him. He hadn’t realized that he had lost focus until he saw Castiel’s eyes were literally blazing with intensity. “What’s the matter Dean?” he asked. “Need something more to keep your attention?” Castiel took that final step closer until their knees were almost touching. “Perhaps you can give me a little help?” He mimics trying to pull his now completely unbuttoned shirt free from his slacks, and gives a small playful pout when he’s ‘unable’ to do so. “My belt seems to be a little too tight to allow me to pull this off. Would you mind?” he asks as innocently as possible. 

 

The haze clouding Dean’s mind lifts just enough to allow the request to filter in. Cas wanted his help taking his clothes off? Well, Dean prided himself in being a friendly and helpful person. Besides, his best friend needs his help, right?

 

He reached his still trembling hands towards the opening of Castiel’s buttondown, ready to grab onto it and yank it upwards. Apparently Cas had other ideas because all he got for his troubles was a light smack on his hands. His eyes widened in both shock and askance. “What the hell!?” he said.

 

“If you were paying attention  _ Dean, _ I said my  _ belt _ was too tight.” he replied. Another half a step closer had their legs bumping together, and Cas flawlessly maneuvered himself so that his left leg was nestled in-between Dean’s. In a move that happened too quickly, Castiel dropped himself a few inches so that his ass lightly rested on Dean’s right leg for only a split second. Dean had almost missed it, but the warmth that remained after Castiel had lifted himself was all he needed to know that he didn’t imagine it. He glanced at Cas who was still smirking at him and raised a solitary eyebrow. “Are you going to help me or not?”

 

Dean’s hands suddenly had a mind of their own and were reaching for Cas’s buckle before his brain could formulate the commands to do so. It was odd trying to do it from this angle but he still managed. He tried to give it a slight tug to begin sliding it from the belt loops, but nothing happened when he did. Another tug, slightly harder, same results. In fact, all it managed to do was bring Castiel’s crotch closer to his face. That realization had his neck and ears flaming. But he was going to do his damndest to not let it show. “Um, Cas? You’re going to have to help me out a little. Could you just...um..?” he motioned with a finger to try and tell Cas what he needed him to do. Castiel seemed to understand because he slowly turned his left hip towards Dean, supposedly allowing access. But as soon as Dean had managed to slide it about half an inch, Cas gyrated his other hip in Dean’s direction, effectively stopping all progress. Dean saw the playful look on Castiel’s face and instantly knew what he was doing.  _ He’s trying to mimic some of the moves I taught him.  _ It thrilled Dean even more when he realized that the slow figure eight’s that Cas was using to ‘grind’ on him matched perfectly with the music still blaring from the table. 

 

**_She’s my Cherry Pie_ **

**_Put a smile on your face ten miles wide_ **

**_Looks so good, bring a tear to your eye_ **

**_Sweet Cherry Pie, Yeah!_ **

 

Sweet Golden Crusted God of Pie! This was Dean’s most secret fantasy come to life. As Castiel continued to gyrate and allowed Dean to slowly work the worn leather from the belt loops of his slacks, he also pulled his button down out of its confinement inch by inch. By the time the song had ended, Castiel stood shirtless before Dean, a thin sheen of sweat glistening off this skin and his slightly labored breathing seemed to match Dean’s own. They just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, both wondering who’s going to take the next step. 

 

Little did either of them know that it wasn’t going to be that simple...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is so close to having his dream come true, but instead he turns it into a nightmare for Castiel. Will his conscience leave him alone enough to finally allow him to be happy, or is Dean destined to spend the rest of his life alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys....*hangs head in shame*....I know. It's been over 4 months since I've updated. I'm really and truly very sorry. The last few months have been an endless litany of hospital stays, ER visits, and appointments with specialists. I hadn't had the time, or truthfully the mindspace to sit down and be creative. 
> 
> I've recently become the admin of a wonderful Facebook group called Destiel Port: Prompts, Fanfictions, Writings and such. I've become very close friends with all the other admin and if it wouldn't have been for their help and support, there's a very good chance this may have turned out to be an abandoned work. But with their help, and the help of countless supporting members in the group, my muse had finally awoken from her hibernation. 
> 
> I had fully intended to write this chapter as the final chapter, but after well over 5600+ words my mind was starting to blur a bit. So I've decided to publish this one, and write one more. It'll make my fic an even 10 chapters. (Damn OCD)
> 
> Andrea, Jennifer, Jessica, Kaila, Jenn, Lily, Tori: Thank you so much for being my cheering section, not only in writing but in life.
> 
> Special thanks to Emileigh Lyn for giving me that final nudge to just get out my laptop and DO IT!
> 
> And the biggest thanks of all goes to Chrystal: there's not a day that goes by that I'm not thankful for meeting you. You are the Dean to my Cas, the Jerk to my Bitch, and the Heaven to my Hell. I still thank Chuck everyday for the circumstances that brought us together. 
> 
> Ok, ok....enough rambling....ON TO CHAPTER 9!!!

They continued to stare at each other, their labored breathing the only sound in the room. Dean couldn’t help the way his eyes continued to drink in the miles of tan skin on display in front of him. He unconsciously licked his lips, wondering if Cas tasted as good as he looked.

 

Castiel, for his part, just stood still and felt his heart hammering inside his chest. What he just did was way out of his comfort zone, but for some reason he felt elated instead of embarrassed. He had to admit that it felt good to finally to get some of his feelings out into the open. The only worry he had at this point was Dean’s reaction.

 

Although, even that surprised him. He had expected Dean to try and play it off in the way that he usually does when he’s embarrassed or uncomfortable. Instead, he had seen Dean’s eyes widen in surprise before darkening in what he assumed was desire. It thrilled Cas enough to be able to push himself further than he had planned. He had originally planned just to tease a little, using the things he had learned from Dean. Before he realized what happened, he was shirtless, straddling Dean’s lap and breathing like he’d just fought a battle. 

 

Perhaps he did. He had fought his inner insecurities about his place in Dean’s life, and feels like he came out triumphant. Now, he was just waiting on Dean’s response to confirm or deny his deepest fear.

 

He watched Dean stare at him, eyes tracing over every line and curve of his exposed flesh. He saw the tiny flash of pink as Dean darted the tip of his tongue and quickly wet his lips. He suddenly had the overwhelming desire to taste those lips. Castiel had come this far….what’s one more step?

 

Dean had completely zoned out until he felt a hand gently card through his hair, causing all his focus to zero in on the blue eyes blazing above him. He stared, not even daring to blink, afraid that this may all be a dream. He felt the Angel’s presence slowly draw closer and closer, every inch that had separated them becoming increasingly smaller. It seemed like an eternity before they were almost touching, almost sharing the same breath. Dean had only to lift his head and their lips would connect…..

 

Of course, this would be right when Dean’s subconscience (the snarky little bitch) chose to make itself known again….

 

_ Don’t do it… _

 

‘Why the hell not?’ Dean thought to himself.

 

_ It never ends well….Remember Cassie? Remember Lisa? Do you want to lose him too? _

 

‘This is different.  _ He’s  _ different…’

 

_ You say that every time, yet you lose them all. You don’t deserve him. He deserves better. If you love him, walk away now…. _

 

The words hit him like a slap in the face and poured a cold bucket of reality onto his already charged system. He had just barely begun to feel warmth on his lips when he suddenly pushed Castiel away and shot to his feet. Cas had stumbled back and managed to catch himself before he completely crashed onto the floor, his face a mask of complete confusion.

 

“Dean?” he asked, hesitantly.

 

Dean used Cas’s distance to greedily inhale great gulps of air. He screwed his eyes shut tightly, fighting the burn that was stinging them. He refused to cry in front of Cas. He was a pro of hiding his pain. He just needed to get somewhere where he could mourn the loss of what he never had...in peace. 

 

Castiel took one step towards him, his hand outstretched in a comforting gesture. Dean barely looked at him as he took a step away. “Cas….don’t.”

 

“But Dean…”

 

“Cas!” Dean shouted. He immediately regretted his tone as soon as he heard the echo bouncing around the library. Bowing his head he whispered, “Please. Just...don’t.”

 

Castiel’s heart broke at the sight before him. He wanted nothing more than to grab the man in front of him and hold him, reassure him. Questions flew around in his mind. Was is something he did? Did he overstep his bounds? He mentally shook his head, knowing it couldn’t be anything like that. Dean hadn’t protested any of his actions; in fact, he had looked pretty damn encouraging. Cas continued to stare at Dean, willing him to look at him.

 

He got what he wanted, but when Dean finally looked at him he wasn’t totally prepared from what he saw. Pain, mixed with wanting.  For a split second he saw the silent plea for help before it was instantly covered by the mask of fear. 

 

So, he  _ was _ right! It wasn’t anything he had done, but it was Dean’s own insecurities coming back to haunt him. Cas knew all too well how crippling they can be. He figured that if he could manage to overcome his own enough to put himself out there, he could help Dean do the same. The only challenge now was getting the stubborn hunter to listen.

 

Castiel took another slow step towards Dean, hoping to inch his way close enough to grab him so he could talk to him. Instead, that step startled Dean enough to cause him to turn around and flee down the hall deeper into the bunker. Cas sighed loudly. This was going to take time. But he knew Dean felt the same way he did. He saw it, he  _ felt _ it, and he was determined to fight for it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dean felt like he was going have a panic attack, but fought like hell to hold it together the best he could. He didn’t want to break down completely in front of Castiel, no matter how much he wanted to run to him for comfort. He knew he had to keep his distance, for his sanity. Dean chanced a glance at Cas, and seeing the look of confusion and understanding was almost his complete undoing. So he did the only thing he could think to do: he ran.

 

Dean didn’t even have to think twice. Once he took that first step away from Castiel, the next one became easier. Then the next. And the next. Before he knew it, he was flying down the halls as fast as his feet could carry him. Doors blurred past him, one hallway bled into the next. He had no idea where he was going. He had passed his own room a few halls back, and yet he still ran. 

 

Finally, he had to stop. His lungs felt like they were on fire and he couldn’t see clear enough through the tears that had managed to escape, no matter how hard he had fought. Dean leaned against a wall and tried to control his breathing. He just wanted to slide down the wall and sit there until he got control over himself. But he knew after that little show he put in front of Cas, it wouldn’t take the Angel any time at all to find him. That’s just was Castiel does. It made the guilt sitting on his shoulders feel so much heavier. 

 

He opened his eyes and looked around. Directly in front of him was a door, dingy and dusty from lack of use over the years. Dean took a step forward and grabbed the doorknob. It squeaked as it turned but eventually allowed Dean to pull the door open. He peered inside and saw that it was an old supply closet, mostly empty except for a few dusty boxes sitting on shelves and a mop that probably hadn’t been used since the days of Elvis. Without a second thought, Dean stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He sank to the ground and put his head in his hands.  _ What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I let myself just be happy for a change?  _

 

Silence prevailed around him for all of five minutes before he heard Castiel’s voice faintly shouting for him some distance away, footsteps echoing. Doors were slammed one at a time as he heard “Dean! Where are you?” He knew he didn’t have it in him to talk to him face to face just yet. Instead, he sent a message the only way he knew how. He prayed, feeling like the chicken he was acting like.

 

_ Cas, please. I know you’re only trying to help. But right now, I just can’t. Please understand. _

 

The echo of footsteps stopped. Dean held his breath, waiting to see what Castiel would do. 

 

“Dean!” Cas continued to shout, pleaded. “Please come and talk to me. I can hear your prayers. Do you know how hard it is not to just bring myself to where you are? I wanted to give you some time to yourself first. I won’t look any further for you, but you have to keep talking to me.”

 

Dean felt relief flooding through him. Castiel was respecting his need for privacy, while still making sure he was ok. Dean felt his heart thaw out, just a little.  

 

_ Thank you Cas. I just need….hell, I don’t know what I need. _

 

Castiel’s echo answered him. “It sounds like you need a friend. Let me help you.”

 

_ I know you just want to help. It’s one of the things I lo…..like about you. But you can’t help in this Cas. You just can’t. _

 

“Dean, I have fought heavenly battles for millennia. What makes you think I feel you are any less important to me?”

 

Dean’s heart fluttered at the words.  _ Why, Cas? Why am I so important? I’m nobody. _

 

Castiel sighed, yet smiled at the same time. He knew Dean couldn’t see it, but he tried his best to put that smile into his words, hoping Dean could feel it. “Dean, I have watched over you since you were conceived. When you were born, I saw your soul shining so brightly and I vowed to make sure that light of yours never went out.” He swallowed heavily, not sure how to put his next thought into words. Still, he continued. “When you were sent into hell, I rallied myself to my Father. I knew ahead of time that it was part of your destiny, but I wasn’t prepared for the sadness I felt seeing you….well, I’ll not make you relive what we both know happened down there.”

 

Dean’s voice floated gently across his mind once again.  A soft  _ Thank You  _ that spoke volumes to Dean’s state of mind right now.

 

“Dean Michael Winchester, you are the bravest and most selfless soul that I have ever seen. Your courage and strength have been the foundation of every step you have taken. In the eyes of Heaven, you truly are The Righteous Man.” 

 

He knew that Dean was listening closely to every word he had spoken. Although he hadn’t quite said it, he knew that perhaps Dean was starting to accept what Castiel was telling him. Slowly...quietly...one step at a time...he began to make his way down the corridor once again. He needed to be close to him, but didn’t want to cause him to panic and perhaps run from him again. If he had it his way, when he was finished, he would ensure that Dean Winchester would never run away from him again. He wanted Dean to run  _ towards _ him. And Cas would be there with open arms, every single time.

 

Dean’s voice in his head brought him out of his thoughts.  _ Cas, I don’t care what Heaven had planned for me, or what my role in all their he said/she said crap was. I’m just a means to an end with those winged dicks. I couldn’t care less what they think of me. I only care about…… _

 

Cas heard the pause stretch on. He waited patiently for Dean to continue, counting the seconds as they ticked by. He knew that whatever Dean was about to say was going to be big. Monumental. The hunter had always chosen his words carefully if he felt they were important, and the time that he was taking now was a further clue as to how important the next words were. “What do you care about Dean?” he asked gently, allowing the echo to carry his words.

 

The silence continued. A full minute passed. Castiel began to worry that perhaps Dean would never be able to say what was on his mind. Until……..whispered words caressed his senses.

 

_ I care about you, Castiel. _

 

Castiel felt his breath just completely leave his lungs. It was the words he had been longing to hear, but he ruthlessly squashed down his excitement. He knew that Dean cared about him in a familial capacity, as another brother. Cas just wanted to make sure….

 

“I care about you too Dean.” he said carefully. “You and Sam are my family.”

 

Hearing Cas’s words echoing through the halls sent warmth through Dean’s body. Dean couldn’t help but crack a small smile. In true Castiel fashion, he had heard the words Dean had said, but he didn’t  _ hear  _ what he was actually trying to say. Dean rubbed the back of his neck in slight embarrassment, although no one could see him. He was going to have to walk Cas through his confession, if he didn’t completely die of embarrassment first.

 

He took a deep breath...then just went for it. 

 

_ Cas. I want you to listen to me, and listen carefully, alright?  _ He sighed.  _ Yes, I do care about you because you are part of my family. Well, what little family I have left. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for Sammy that I wouldn’t do for you. But...what I feel for Sammy and what I feel for you are...different. _

 

Castiel’s steps faltered as hope squeezed him tightly. Could Dean really be saying what he thinks he was saying?  He wanted, now more than ever, to run towards that prayer and find Dean. But he knew he had to let Dean get this out, give him time to express what he feel he couldn’t. Cas resumed walking quietly towards Dean’s prayer. “How is it different, Dean?” he asked hesitantly.

 

His answer came, slow and almost shy.  _ It’s hard to explain Cas. It’s just something I feel, ya know? I’ve seen both you and Sammy get injured in battle, right? With Sam, it’s old news. We stitch each other up, have a cold beer and fall asleep. Just another day on the job. But when I’ve seen you injured, it made me want to scream. I wanted to find whatever had laid a hand on you and rip it to pieces with my bare hands. Sam had noticed in the past and tried to say that it meant something else, but in the stubborn Winchester fashion I just called him a Bitch and told him to mind his own business. But he had gotten me thinking. I react different when I’m around you.  _ Dean huffed out a small laugh.  _ I remember all the times growing up with Sammy in all those crappy hotel rooms. It was just the two of us. And everytime something happened I remember wanting to race back and tell Sam. I couldn’t wait to tell him everything. He was my best friend as well as my brother.  _

 

Hearing the small smile in Dean’s words, Castiel couldn’t help but smile himself. “It was just the two of you Dean. He was all you had, and you were all he had. The bond that you have formed together is unbreakable because of it.”

 

_ That’s just it Cas. It’s not just the two of us anymore. You’re here. And while I admit I didn’t trust you at first...you kinda...grew on me. You were like another little brother to me. I got to teach you things about humanity, and food, and music….and I found myself wanting to be around you all the time. But then….things starting changing. _

 

_ “ _ Changing how?”

 

_ I started looking at you differently. I started noticing things that I hadn’t really looked at before. I’ve definitely caught myself staring on more than one occasion. _

 

Castiel chuckled. “I’ve noticed.”

 

_ Yeah, I know. There’s been many times that you’ve caught me, and I was still helpless to look away. I never understood why...until recently.  _

 

Cas continued to let his hope grow as he listened to Dean’s confession. By now he had managed to find himself at the end of the hallway that the prayer was coming from. He knew that Dean was very near, but he wasn’t going to take another step farther until he was 100% sure. Castiel knew that once he found Dean and held him in his arms again, there would be no going back. He wasn’t going to allow it. Dean was his. He was just waiting for Dean to admit it out loud, so that Cas could reassure him. Castiel belonged to Dean as well, and he knew that he would never belong to another. Their profound bond was a joining of the souls...an after effect of pulling him from perdition. But the joining of hearts...that was something that was offered up willingly. Castiel was willing to take everything he had and everything he was and lay it at Dean’s feet. He just needed the words…

 

Castiel leaned against the wall and waited. And waited. Then waited some more. He would wait for hours if that’s what it took. But he knew that eventually Dean would have to come out for personal needs. He listened, straining to hear the slightest sound. 

 

Silence.

 

He leaned more heavily against the wall, then listened again. Cas thought he had heard something, but he couldn’t be sure. He even held his breath, waiting to see if he heard the sound again. There it was!

 

A sniffle.

 

Was Dean….crying?? This was completely unacceptable! It took every ounce of self-control that Cas had to keep himself from barging down the hallway. But deep down, he knew that Dean had to finish getting this weight off his shoulders. So once again, he waited, but he refused to be quiet any longer.

 

“Dean? Are you ok?”

 

More silence.

 

“Dean?”

 

_ I’m still here Cas. I’m just...trying to find the right words.  _

 

“Would it help if I said something first?”

 

_ Go ahead. _

 

Cas took a deep breath. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

 

_ Gee, thanks Cas. _

 

“Just listen to me Dean. I think….I think I know what you’re feeling. And if I’m right, does it help to hear me say that I feel the same way too?”

 

_ You do? Why didn’t you say anything? _

 

“Probably the same reason that you didn’t.”

 

_ I highly doubt that. _

 

Cas grinned at the snark that was flung into his head. This was the Dean he was used to talking to. It made him feel more at ease. “I guess the reason I never said anything was based on the fact that I had been agonizing over  _ how  _ to tell you without putting you off or making you uncomfortable, in case you didn’t return my feelings. I thought about a lot of things when I was gone those few days. I realized somewhere along the way that our friendship seemed to have developed into something more. But not only was I unsure what to say, I was scared of admitting it altogether. You can be a downright jackass sometimes, and I was afraid that your reaction would be either unpleasant or humiliating. Maybe you would even laugh at me.”

 

_ I would never do that Cas! I know that I always seem to poke fun at you for not knowing or understanding a lot of things. I may not have always shown it the right way, but I’ve always held the highest respect for you, for what you are, for WHO you are. I’m just not good at chick-flick moments, ok? _

 

“I know. But is that the reason that you hadn’t said anything either?”

 

_ How could I Cas? How could I ask you to give up what you truly are, just to stay with me? For God’s sake, you’re a friggin Angel! You belong in Heaven! You should be fighting battles, sitting on clouds made of marshmallows or riding unicorns….whatever it is that you guys do up there. I know that you want to return home and be with your brothers and sisters again. I just want you to be happy! _

 

Castiel could finally hear the anguish pouring into Dean’s words. He was getting it all out, finally. Cas knew that by the time he was finished, Dean would be both vulnerable and exhausted. 

 

He started walking again, each step echoing around him and letting Dean know that he was coming for him. But Dean’s voice was still floating in his mind...he was still talking. He probably didn’t even hear Castiel coming. It no longer mattered. There was no way that Castiel was stopping now. He let Dean’s words spur him on.

 

_ You deserve to be happy Cas! Look at me! I’m not exactly the poster child for relationships here. How could I even hope to assume that I had what it takes to be what you need? Sammy and I have been on our own for so long. I’m used to only being responsible for just the two of us, and you see how well that works out. We’re always getting shot, or stabbed, or bitten, or scratched. For all my Hunter’s knowledge, I couldn’t even take care of us. But then you came along…. _

 

Castiel walked faster.

 

_ ….and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. You made me feel like I was more than the soldier that my dad raised me to be. More than the big brother and father figure I had to be to Sam. More than just an extension of whatever weapon I’m holding. You became the best friend that I’ve ever had. But the more I realized what my feelings were turning into, the more I was afraid of admitting it to myself. I was scared of saying it outloud because I didn’t want it to ruin the friendship that I value more than anything.  _

 

Cas was almost there….

 

_ When I realized the full force of my feelings a few days ago, it started driving my crazy. I started praying to you. Begging you to come back. Afraid that I had lost you after all. I even tried distracting myself, but it didn’t work. I had gone out and found a woman named Jada. She was beautiful and smart, almost everything that I wanted. _

 

Castiel stopped, fearing the next words but knew that they needed to be heard anyway.

 

_ We had a few drinks and danced. By the end of the night, she was ready to go somewhere else and do anything I wanted. She even kissed me... _

 

Castiel felt like he’d been punched in the stomach, his breathing suddenly shallow.

 

_...and as nice as it was, it wasn’t what I wanted. Not anymore.  _

 

Suddenly, Cas could breathe again. “What do you want Dean?” he asked.

 

_ I want you, Cas! Maybe I knew it all along and never realized it. Maybe all those stupid songs I used to play for you was me expressing my feelings the only way I knew how. Playing music then turning around and suddenly finding you standing there...you have no idea how much that meant to me. It was as if something inside of you connected somehow to what I was trying to say. So I kept playing music and acted like a jackass. It’s what I’m good at, right? _

 

“Dean…”

 

_ I know there is no excuse for my behavior most of the time. I guess that everytime I felt you were getting close to realize what I was doing, I lashed out at you, out of fear. _

 

Castiel took another step closer. “Fear of what?”

 

_ Fear of you. _

 

“Of me?! Why in the name of Creation would you be afraid of me?” Another step.

 

_ Of us, Cas! Of what we could be...and what could happen because of it. _

 

One more cautious step forward. “You make it sound like us being...together...is a bad thing.”

 

_ Of course it’s not. How could it be? You are the most honest and moral being that I’ve ever known, and because of that I feel like I don’t deserve you. I don’t know how to handle it. Perhaps it would just be better….if you just left...and didn’t come back. _

 

Castiel’s confusion suddenly melted into anger. “Leave?  Why the hell would you want me to leave Dean? Especially after everything you just told me??”

 

_ Think about it Cas! This is hard enough as it is! _

 

Cas’s anger was beginning to reach almost unholy proportions. “Maybe this is some nuance of humanity that you have yet to explain to me! Apparently an Angel cannot grasp the inner workings of your simple little minds!”

 

Dean returned Castiel’s anger with his own.  _ Cas, if I could barely take care of my brother and I, how the hell was I supposed to be able to look after you too? _

 

“I’M AN ANGEL, YOU POMPOUS ASS! I CAN DAMN WELL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!” Cas roared.   __

 

_ All it would take would be ONE mistake Cas, and with my track record you’d probably end up hurt...or worse.  _ Dean could no longer stop the sobs racking through him, clouding his voice with pent up emotion that had festered for way too long.  _ It would be my fault and I simply can’t live with that. You can be a stubborn ass yourself, ya know. Would you have listened if I had tried to explain all this before? _

 

“I would have told you to stop being foolish.” A few final steps and Castiel found himself standing in front of the door that barely hid the sobs coming from inside. 

 

_ Exactly! This is the only way that I know how. I never want to hurt you Cas, or see you get hurt. You’ve done so much for me in the time that we’ve spent together. I can’t risk losing you Cas. I’ve lost almost everyone else. What if I lose you too? I just can’t risk it. I’m sorry.  _

 

There. It was done. Dean had finally laid all his cards on the table, spoken in words that couldn’t be taken back. He felt relief as his burden was finally released into the open. But Castiel seemed to be in fiery temper at the moment. He waited, hoping that he didn’t get smited. If he did, then he deserved it anyway. 

 

The absolute last thing he expected was to hear that old doorknob creaking as it was turned. He watched as the door was slowly pulled open, allowing light to spill into his tiny little space. He looked upwards and blinked back the few tears he had left.

 

Cas gazed down at the man sitting at his feet. His heart broke for the pain that he felt radiating off of Dean, but at the same time it began to swell with the knowledge that his feelings were returned. If it took the next millenia, he would somehow convince Dean to see himself as Cas saw him: fierce, determined, but above all beautiful. “Dean…” he says gently. “I swear to my Father, you will never lose me. I found you in the deepest recesses of the Pit. There is nowhere that you can go that I cannot find you.” Cas reached down and grabbed Dean’s hand, helping him to his feet. Once standing, he used the hand that wasn’t holding Dean’s to cup his face gently, using his thumb to wipe away the last bit of moisture still lingering there. “Don’t you think it’s time you came out of the closet now?”

 

Dean couldn’t help but huff out a quick laugh, knowing that Cas didn’t understand the double entendre he had just said. “I guess it just took the right person opening the door.” he replied. 

 

Cas furrowed his brow in confusion. “Anyone could have opened that door Dean.” he said.

 

Dean just shook his head, a dreamy smile on his face. He reached up and pulled on Cas’s neck, gently bringing their lips closer. “It had to be you Castiel.” he whispered. “It’s always had to be you…”


End file.
